Posted by Sambo

Dear Sakerlina fans,

Congratulations on the win on Saturday.  Twenty-seven consecutive wins to go and you will be on equal footing with Clemson in the rivalry.  But considering the last time your team won back-to-back games against Clemson was ’69 and ’70, so the odds of a win streak of the magnitude of twenty-seven actually happening are slim.  Also, stop with the SEC is so superior to the ACC, because the last time I checked, Clemson was in the ACC the last 13 years when they beat Sakerlina ten times.  So, beating your big brother one time doesn’t mean he is not going to give you a Wet Willy the next time he sees you.

Also, I found it funny that Clemson dropped out of the Coach’s Poll despite all of the other upsets behind them, but then I thought about it.  The only reason they would actually drop out of the polls is because pollsters saw Clemson lose (or looked ahead to a Championship game this weekend, something you Sakerlina fans can’t even spell) to a crappy team like yours and decided they shouldn’t be a Top 25 team, which suits me fine.  They don’t deserve to be ranked after that performance, but all can be made up for with a win this weekend, meanwhile you Sakerlina fans will be sitting at home watching Clemson play (and pulling for GT).

And have you heard the good news, Sakerlina fans?  Bobby Bowden retired.  So when Spurrier steps down, you have another past his prime Hall of Fame coach available for your head coaching position.  And we all know that hires like that are your bread and butter as of late, so you must be pretty excited.  I know I am.

In conclusion Sakerlina fans, your team won (and not your conference, so stop chanting “SEC! SEC! SEC!” after the game) and you get the right to rub it in our faces this year, but please act like you’ve actually won this game before, you’re embarrassing yourself.

Somewhat Sincerely,

Sambo

I thought I should just get that off my chest, because those Sakerlina fans needed to have their win put into a proper perspective.  As for my picks last week, Yikes!  But after looking at the standings in the Mac Cup, I saw that everyone did terrible.  I went 6-11 in my Mac Cup picks and didn’t drop in the standings, nor lost any ground on the leader.  That makes me feel a little better, but then I thought about the Clemson/SC game and got depressed again.  Also, since this is the last weekend of college football (I know, I’m sad about it too), this will be the last time you hear from me, unless I come out with a Super Special Bowl Edition of the Weekly Picks of the Week.  So, if that doesn’t happen (which I will work on), then see you next year.  And with that, on with the fun of gambling:

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on BCS Standings)

(Unofficial) PAC-10 Championship

#16 Oregon State Beavers @ #7 Oregon Ducks (-10)

9:00 (Thursday)

-After doing a little research, I found out that the State of Oregon has some really strange laws:

• It is illegal to use canned corn as fish bait.
• In Myrtle Creek, OR, it is illegal to box a kangaroo.
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your property.
• In Beaverton, OR, you are required to buy a $10 permit before installing a burglar alarm.
• Up until the 1970s, it was illegal to show movies or attend car races on Sundays.
• In Marion, OR, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before giving a sermon.
• In Portland, it is illegal to whistle underwater.

Now, some of those laws make some sort of sense except the no whistling underwater law.  How did that even come about?  In what possible scenario did a person whistling underwater create a cause for a law to be made?  The more I think about it, the more my brain hurts.

(Unofficial) Big East Championship

#5 Cincinnati Bearcats (-2) @ #15 Pittsburgh Panthers

12:00

It’s the Coin Flip,

Flipping for the Coin Flip, Game

Come on and sing it with me

(Coin Flip)

Sing it with feelin’ ya’ll

(Coin Flip, Game)

Ooh!

-Don’t really care about this game, so it is the Coin Flip Game.  The Flip came up Bearcats.

SEC Championship

#1 Florida Gators v. #2 Alabama Crimson Tide (+6)

4:00

-According to the Heisman Trophy’s website, the award goes to “an individual who deserves designation as the most outstanding college football player in the United States”.  Then how in the hell did Eric Crouch, Jason White, or Troy Smith win it?  The answer is because the Heisman is now awarded to the best QB or RB on a national contending team and not for its original purpose anymore.  Which brings me to my next point.  Now, I will admit that Tim Tegod is a great player and definitely deserved to win the trophy in 2007, but if he is even invited to the ceremony this year, that trophy should no longer be considered the “Most Prestigious Award in College Football”.  There are easily ten players who deserve it over him this season (McCoy, Suh, Gerhart, Ingram, Spiller, Tate, etc).  It is supposed to be awarded to the player with the best season and not career, but because ESPN is the sports media center of the world, and because they are such massive SEC homers, Tegod’s name is splashed around like an F-bomb in Pulp Fiction and everyone now has it ingrained into their minds that he is the best player in the universe.  And for this reason, the Heisman Trophy is becoming more and more of joke.  That and because George Rogers is allowed to wear eye-impairing suits to the ceremony.

Big 12 Championship

#3 Texas Longhorns v. #22 Nebraska Cornhuskers (+14)

8:00

-Last week, while my brother and I were watching the Colorado v. Nebraska game, he asked me, “Why are those two teams playing each other during rivalry week (turns out that they are not even rivals anyways)?  Is Nebraska even anywhere near Colorado?”  This, of course, prompted me to look it up and it turns out that the two states border each other.  This made me realize that if you put a blank map of the US in front of me and told me to list every state, I honestly don’t think I could name more than half of the states in the Midwest.  The East Coast, West Coast, and anything in the South, I could do with no problems, but the Midwest is nothing but a jumble of similar looking states to me.  Hell, it even surprised me when I was looking at the map and saw that Arkansas sits directly above Louisiana.  But then again, I lived in France during the 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th grades (it was for my dad’s job and not because I was abducted and forced to live there, aka, the only two reasons someone would willingly live in France), so hopefully, that was when I was supposed to learn US Geography and I’m not just retarded.  But if you need to know where Luxemburg or Andorra are located on a map, I’m the man to call.

ACC Championship

#10 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets v. Clemson Tigers (+1)

8:00

-After reading and watching all about the whole Bobby Bowden retirement, I saw that it’s being quoted that ol’ Bobby is requesting that his final bowl game be played in the state of Florida.  Can he do that?  Isn’t there an ACC rule against conference teams two games behind another team in the standings not being able to jump that team in the bowl picking process?  Yes, there is just such a rule in place, but apparently, the ACC is going to ignore that rule this year to allow ol’ Bobby’s request.  So that is going to really screw some teams in terms of what bowl they are going to attend.  Specifically, whoever loses the ACCCG is going to get hosed, so that a 6-6 FSU team can play in Florida.  So that means that if Clemson wins and they go to a BCS game, lose and they probably fall to the Music City Bowl.  Not that I don’t think what Bobby did in his FSU career wasn’t remarkable, but why honor a guy who has to plead to play in a better bowl game then his team currently deserves?  A better way to honor him would be to erect (hehe) a statue of him out in front of the stadium that they should also name after him.  Wait, what?  They’ve already done both of those things?  Well, then the last thing they should do is name the mascot after him.  The Florida State Gaddum Seminoles.

Last Week’s Record: 3-8

Season Total: 20-25-3

Lock of the Week Record: 2-2

Posted by Sambo

Sambo

Before last weekend’s Virginia game, Willy Mac told me he was getting sick and didn’t know if he was going to make it to the Virginia game.  So, I sent him this email:

“I’ve been sick for the past week and I’m going, only b/c it is CJ’s last home game and I feel like I should show him the respect he deserves.”

Well, this swayed him into going to the game.  However, I ended up giving my ticket to my sister so that she could take my two year old nephew to his 2^nd ever Clemson game, then skipped tailgating altogether, and went to Atlanta to hang out with some friends I haven’t seen in awhile.  Was this kind of a “dick move”?  Depends on how you look at it.  Yes, I told Willy Mac that he should go to the game despite being sick and then skipped it myself.  And yes, I could have at least come to tailgate, but face it, tailgating is fun because of seeing friends and drinking, and since I was going to Atlanta after the game anyways, I didn’t want to drink and drive.  And yes, I did the nice brotherly thing and gave up a ticket so my crazy ass little nephew (and by crazy, I mean he is “woke up in the middle of the night, stuck something in the microwave, which then proceeded to set the kitchen on fire” crazy) could go to a Clemson game.  So, my “dick move” of telling Willy Mac to go to the game and then skipping it is made up for by my selfless move of giving up my ticket and by being responsible driver, canceling out any wrong doings.  Speaking of things being even, I went .500 on my picks again this weekend, keeping my overall record at .500 as well.  How mediocre of a gambler am I?  Well, at least I’m not under .500, right?

Also, it’s Rivalry Week, so the annual Sakerlina crowing about how their conference is better than Clemson’s conference and how their schedule is tougher than Clemson’s schedule (yet, they still lose to Clemson every year, I don’t see the correlation), and how next year will be different.  Well, Gamecock fans, good luck with that, meanwhile, Clemson will be playing for a conference championship, something Sakerlina hasn’t (remotely) competed for in four decades (and no, I don’t count being an Independent as an excuse and yes, that will be my only jab at the Cocks for the rest of this……paragraph).  So, with that said, on with the fun of gambling picking games (and also be prepared to learn something today):

ACC Games

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on BCS Standings)

Wake Forest Demon Deacons @ Duke Blue Devils (+4.5)

12:00

-How often do you sit around and think to yourself, “I wish I could eat a Krispy Kreme doughnut right now.  In fact, I could eat at least fifty of those little bastards”?  Never.  Really?  Well, if you do, then you have Winston-Salem to thank for that.  The first Krispy Kreme opened there.  However, this would scare me if I was a college student there, because the “Freshman Fifteen” could easily turn into the “Freshman Fifty” in a hurry with one of those things around.  Unless you are into plump chicks, then Wake Forest is the college for you.

#24 North Carolina Tarheels (-6) @ NC State Wolfpack

12:00

-The state of North Carolina is the nation’s leader in furniture, tobacco, brick, and textile production.  That’s like Mexico being the world’s leader in staplers, heroin, prostitution, and outgoing population production.  So, remember, if you ever need a good couch, a cigarette, some bricks, and whatever the hell textiles are, go to North Carolina, they lead the nation in that shit!  Boo-ya!

#14 Virginia Tech Hokies (-16) @ Virginia Cavaliers

3:30

-I’ve decided that the Coin Flip Game needs to be jazzed up, so I made up a theme song for it (basically it’s the Car Wash song except about the Coin Flip Game):

It’s the Coin Flip,

Flipping for the Coin Flip, Game

Come on and sing it with me

(Coin Flip)

Sing it with feelin’ ya’ll

(Coin Flip, Game)

Ooh!

Hopefully, you actually sang the song in your head (or out loud, no one’s judging you here) while reading that.  If not, go back and do so, I’ll wait.  That’s more like it.  Well, the Coin Flip came up Hokies!

#17 Miami Hurricanes (-5.5) @ South Florida Bulls

3:30

-This is a game that seems forced to me.  Seriously, Miami’s real rivals are Florida and Florida State (and maybe Boston College because of the whole Doug Flutie Hail Mary thing), and since the Canes play FSU earlier in the year and only play Florida if they schedule them, why is this game (the 2^nd ever played) being forced upon us during rivalry week?  Actually, is this just a home-and-home series and will never be played again?  I would look it up, but the World of Warcraft episode of South Park just came on and I no longer care.

Boston College Eagles (-6) @ Maryland Terrapins

3:30

-Last week, I said in the “Lock of the Week” that if Boston College won, Clemson would cover against UVA, and if BC lost, then UVA would cover; however, in my picks, I picked UNC to destroy BC (which they did), then proceeded to pick Clemson to still cover against the Crapaliers (which they didn’t).  So, why in the hell didn’t I take my own advice?  We may never know.

Florida State Seminoles (+24.5) @ #1 Florida Gators

3:30

-While making an internet search for some fun trivia about Florida State, the first search result was “Former Soviet Union facts”.  Random.  Anyways, I finally found what I was looking for, and that was that FSU was an all-women’s school until 1947 and therefore the female-to-male ratio of the student body is still primarily female.  I couldn’t find the exact number, but I’ve heard that it was something like 70/30 girls to guys earlier this decade, but that ratio has dropped to 55/45 in 2009.  And we have only one reason to blame for this travesty.  Jenn Sterger’s awesome boobs.

Georgia Bulldogs @ #7 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-7.5)

8:00

-The nickname for this game is “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate”.  How awesome is that?  Anyways, this game started way back in 1893 when Georgia Tech was known as the Georgia School of Technology and their mascot was the Blacksmiths.  In that first game, a Georgia fan hit a Blacksmith player in the head with a rock, and then later a Georgia player pulled a knife on a Tech player.  Man, I would love to see what the national media would do if that happened today.  Considering how much people are freaking out about Jimmy Clausen getting sucker punched by one of his own fans this weekend, a player pulling a knife on someone during a game would be portrayed as the first sign of the apocalypse.  The second sign of the apocalypse would be Sakerlina (somehow) winning the SEC.

Other Games of Interest

#2 Alabama Crimson Tide @ Auburn Tigers (+10.5)

2:30 (Friday)

-For those of you who don’t know anything about college football (if so, you are probably foreign and assume we’re talking about soccer, which is just silly), the game between Auburn and Alabama is also known as The Iron Bowl.  But why is it called The Iron Bowl?  Turns out that this game was always played in Birmingham, and since everyone already knows that Birmingham is a prominent center for iron and steel production, they named it The Iron Bowl…….what?  Well, it could be worse, at least their game is not named the Boombox Classic, which is the name of the rivalry (?) between Jackson State and Southern.

#12 Oklahoma State Cowboys (+8) @ Oklahoma Sooners

12:30

-Now if you want to name your rivalry game and make it sound awesome, then the Bedlam Series is a good start.  That was until I found out that is not named after the noun, but instead, it’s named after the Bedlam Bell.  How disappointing?  I was hoping the game was given that name after a crazy series of prank wars between the two student bodies, or because one of the schools’ coaches was put into an insane asylum after a game.  Anything would be better than naming it after a stupid bell.  And another thing, don’t both teams have to compete against one another on an annual basis to be considered a rivalry?  Oklahoma leads the series 79-15-8.  Rivalry?  HA!  (P.S. same applies to the Sakerlina and Clemson series.  HA!  Point Sambo.)

UCLA Bruins (+13) @ #20 (The Real) USC Trojans

10:00

-Did you know that UCLA and (The Real) USC compete in an annual event called the Lexus Gauntlet?  In the 18 varsity sports in which both schools face-off against each other, the overall winner of those matchups is awarded the Lexus Gauntlet, which is, well, a gauntlet.  In addition to the Lexus Gauntlet, the winner of the football game is given the Victory Bell.  The Victory Bell is the bell from an old steam engine, which was presented to UCLA in 1939, which was then promptly stolen by a (The Real) USC student organization called the Trojan Knights (sweet name).  What I found funny was that (The Real) USC didn’t want to give it back, so the students made a truce that the winner of the yearly football game got to hold on to it until the next game.  What is not explained is why haven’t the losing team’s students just stolen it back for the hell of it?  I would.  (And yes, this section wasn’t really funny, but I liked UCLA in this game and wanted to keep it in here.  Sue me.)

Weekly Lock of the Week

#18 Clemson Tigers (-3) @ (NR) Cocks

12:00

-Since last week’s Lock of the Week was the Bye Week over the Cocks (because Sakerlina would have a week off and still ultimately fail in beating Clemson), then if (and when) Clemson wins, then I am definitely counting that as double Lock of the Week wins.  Also, I can only assume that Vegas is giving this game such a close spread because it is a rivalry game, either that or they haven’t actually watched the Cocks play down the stretch the past few seasons.  Because seriously, those odds makers can’t watch every game, when would they sleep?

Last Week’s Record: 4-4

Season Total: 17-17-3

Lock of the Week Record: 2-1

"Hey Baby, do you want to see some real boobs?"

Posted by Sambo

Something weird/stupid happened with my picks last week.  Of the three ACC matchups involving ranked teams, my WPOTW picks were the complete opposite of my Macallan Cup picks.  The result of those three matchups, three losses for my WPOTW picks and three wins for my Mac Cup picks.  And because of this I had a losing week in the WPOTW but jumped to second place in the Mac Cup standings.  I would have had a winning week if Florida had a kicker or if Pittsburgh could cover a punt. I don’t know how this happened, maybe because I made my Mac Cup picks early in the week and then never looked at them again, maybe I was covering all my bases (just like Lindsay Lohan with males and females, either way, both will make you happy), but more likely it is because I am an idiot.  Could go either way.

Also, I want to mention the high level of Clemson’s play recently.  Under Tommy Bowden, Clemson would not only have lost to FSU by three touchdowns after falling behind like they did, but if they somehow did win, then he definitely would have laid an egg at NC State, mostly likely due to the overuse of Rob Spence’s stupid bubble screen. True story, my best friend is a GT grad and grew up a Cocks’ fan (and who I would like to thank for a couple of these jokes). After last year’s close game against GT he called me and said, “You know what? It is amazing how effective the bubble screen is when you don’t run it every other play.”  Proving once again, Rob Spence sucks.  But he sure did love him some God.  *Bonus Rob Spence Note – has anyone else noticed that Rob Spence’s decline coincided with Tim Tebow’s rise?  Maybe Tebow took away most of God’s time.  The point is, I believe that Clemson will finally make it to the ACC Championship.  Partly because UNC will destroy BC this weekend, partly because ACC officials desperately want a team with a fan base who will actually show up to the game. If there are a large number of questionable calls going Clemson’s way this weekend, send the ACC offices a thank you note. Mostly though, it’s because Dabo has finally changed this team’s mindset into winners.  And with that, on with the fun of gambling picking games:

ACC Games

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on BCS Standings)

Duke Blue Devils @ #20 Miami Hurricanes (-21)

12:00

-Fun Facts about my favorite Miami football player ever, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson:

• He was a member of Miami’s 1991 National Championship team.
• He went to Miami because they didn’t show any interest in him and made the team as a walk-on.
• Because of an injury in 1992, he was replaced by Warren Sapp, and then never won the starting job back.
• He had a 0.7 GPA his first semester in college.
• He was teammates with Doug Flutie during his brief Canadian Football League career.  And by brief, I mean that he was cut after only two months of being on the team
• He has a fear of spiders.
• For some reason, I love watching his terrible movies, and his most underrated role was as Elliot Wilhelm in Be Cool, where he played Vince Vaughn’s gay bodyguard.

North Carolina Tarheels (+3.5) @ Boston College Eagles

12:00

-There usually is no method to my madness of making picks and rarely do I use football-related evidence; however, this game is different.  Boston College has played only two teams with a defense ranked in the top 25 of total defense in the nation.  Those two teams were Clemson and Virginia Tech (statistically, the next best defense they faced was Central Michigan, which doesn’t count due to their crappy conference).  Against Clemson, BC’s offense gained 54 total yards and had -2 yards in the first half.  Against Virginia Tech, BC’s offense gained 163 total yards with 135 of those yards in the 4^th quarter when they were down by 5 TDs, and they had -18 yards in the first half.  Well, guess what?  On paper, North Carolina’s defense is better than both Clemson and Virginia Tech and somehow Boston College is favored.  Enough said.

Maryland Terrapins @ Florida State Seminoles (-19)

12:00

-Last week’s Coin Flip Game was money, so this week’s Coin Flip Game has to be money, right?  The coin came up heads, so Florida State is the pick.

Virginia Cavaliers @ #23 Clemson Tigers (-21)

3:30

-During the Florida State game, did anybody see the idiots that threw oranges on the field?  Are they trying to jinx the team?  Did they realize that if Clemson won that game that they still had to win two more conference games and then still had to win the actual championship game as well?  Did they realize that those oranges would have served a much better purpose by adding them to some stupid fruity drink that would have helped to get a female to lose her inhibitions?  Remember, always think before you throw fruit, people.

NC State Wolfpack @ #15 Virginia Tech Hokies (-21)

3:30

-In a recent survey, 91% of the citizens of Blacksburg said that they feel safe from crime happening in their neighborhood.  Which makes you wonder what that percentage was when the Vick brothers were playing at Virginia Tech?  50%?  25%?  1%?  And that one percent being the Vick brothers themselves.  Also, I don’t want to sound negative here, but didn’t Blacksburg recently have a school shooting?  And then even more recently, didn’t a graduate student get decapitated?  When was this survey made?

Other Games of Interest

#10 Ohio State Buckeyes @ Michigan Wolverines (+12)

12:00

-Of the 120 teams in Division 1-A (saying FBS is stupid), five schools have stadiums that seat over 100,000 people.  Two of those schools play in this game (the other schools are Penn State (106k), Texas (100k), and Tennessee (100K)).  And because Michigan’s “Big House” seats two thousand more people than Ohio State’s “Horseshoe”, they are the pick.  (P.S. the University of Idaho has the smallest stadium in the nation, the Kibbie Dome, which only holds 16,000 fans and is located in Moscow, Idaho.  How is it possible that America allowed a city to be named after a Russian city?  If the plot of Red Dawn were to actually happen, do you think it would start in Moscow, Idaho?  And do you think that if Idaho did play in the real Moscow, would their mascot still be the Vandels?  The answers to those questions are – the decision was made on a bank holiday, yes, and absolutely.)

#8 LSU Tigers @ Ole Miss Rebels (-4)

3:30

-Listen up, here is one of the craziest laws I have ever heard.  “Within Oxford, MS city limits, it is illegal to sell cold beer.”  In other words, you can buy beer, but only warm beer.  How weird is that?  But then again, when has the last time warm beer ever stopped drunk college kids before?

#25 California Golden Bears (+7.5) @ #17 Stanford Cardinal

7:30

-Here is the only matchup between teams ranked in the top 25 of the BCS Standings (which should tell you how terrible this weekend is for watching quality college football) and it is the annual rematch of the famous “Stanford Band Game”.  And because it cracks me up every time I see that trombone player get his ass handed to him at the end of “The Play”, I’m going Cal here.

Weekly Lock of the Week

Bye Week @ Cocks (no line)

-I’m going with the Bye Week in this game, because we all know that the Cocks will have two weeks to prepare for Clemson and then will ultimately fail.  But if you want a real Lock of the Week, then I would go with Clemson if Boston College wins and Virginia if Boston College loses.  Logically, it makes sense.  Too bad it will be tough to actually wager on this game if you are tailgating your ass off like you should be this weekend.

Last Week’s Record: 4-5-1

Season Total: 13-13-3

Lock of the Week Record: 2-1

Posted by Sambo

Recently, I learned that I cannot watch 3-D movies, because the 3-D glasses give me a headache.  But why would that happen?  It turns out that my vision in one eye is 20-20 and 20-100 in the other (and because of this, the last time I went to get my driver’s license renewed, I had to cheat on the eye exam by looking through both sides of that eye exam thingy with my good eye when the DMV lady helping (?) me looked away) but with both eyes open, I can see perfectly fine.  And I mention this because my picks on Saturday were a lot like my vision, in that my morning picks were perfect (I hadn’t missed on a one before I left to go tailgating, and yes Willy Mac, I came by your tailgate, but you weren’t there, jerk) and my afternoon picks were winless.  Yet, overall I was a perfect .500 (despite the stupid SEC refs screwing me out of LSU covering, those guys are Terrible with a capital T).  So, this week, I promise to do better……or worse.  On with the fun of gambling:

ACC Games

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on BCS Standings)

#7 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets @ Duke Blue Devils (+13)

-Clemson’s first ACC game of the basketball season is against Duke.  Clemson beat Duke by 27 points last season.  Arguably, Clemson got better this offseason.  Duke got whiter.  I can’t wait.

Clemson Tigers (-8) @ NC State Wolfpack

-The secret to this game is that it is a noon game.  Clemson is a seasoned vet at playing noon games.  Hell, the players were probably so pissed that they had to play a night game last week that they took it out on those poor FSU players.  Also, do you remember when Clemson fans were calling for Billy Napier’s head after the Maryland travesty?  Clemson has scored 38, 40, 48, and 40 points in the four games since that loss.  Crickets.

#14 Miami Hurricanes (-3) @ North Carolina Tarheels

-I had an idea of naming both school’s Top 5 best all-time players, and the best five would be my pick (b/c UNC did have some incredible players and a top 5 would have been competitive, but a top 10 would have been a slaughter).  Well, I easily found Miami’s Top 5, but when I tried to do an internet search for UNC’s Top 5, I couldn’t find anything.  For example, I put in “UNC’s best football players” and the first result was a story with the headline “UNC Football Players Sexually Assaulted”.  Then I made a search for “UNC’s all-time best football players” and the first result was “Best Basketball Players to Ever Play at UNC”.  So, despite having had players like Lawrence Taylor and Julius Peppers, UNC still doesn’t give a shit about football, which made my decision easy.

Florida State Seminoles (+5) @ Wake Forest Demon Deacons

-I decided that each week I will pick one game based solely on a coin flip.  Is this lazy?  Absolutely.  But then again, picking football games is essentially a coin flip.  Anyways, this is my Coin Flip game this week and it came up tails, FSU(cks) is the pick.

#21 Virginia Tech Hokies @ Maryland Terrapins (+17.5)

-I’m sensing a “Brainfart Game” out of the Hokies on this one.  Speaking of brainfarts, this is the only reason behind the popularity of Jon and Kate from that retarded show with their eight kids.  I’m sure this is how it went down:

TV exec – “A douche bag husband.  A bitchy wife.  Eight kids.  Reality show.  I’m telling you, the ratings will be through the roof.”

Boss – scratches crotch itch.  “Sold!”

Hey America, if you ignore them, they will go away.  Please!  They are not worth anyone’s time.

Boston College Eagles @ Virginia Cavaliers (+4)

-How is it that Clemson held BC to 55 yards of total offense and BC is still tied with Clemson in the loss column?  This truly baffles me.  Also, I’m picking the Crapaliers because with a BC loss and a Clemson win, then the “Bowdendidn’t” T-shirts can officially be printed.

Other Games of Interest

#10 Iowa Hawkeyes (+17) @ #11 Ohio State Buckeyes

-Did you know that Iowa is nicknamed “The Hawkeye State” after the character, Hawkeye, from the book, The Last of the Mohicans?  As to why exactly they got that nickname, I have no idea.  The book was set in New York and at no point did the story ever take place in Iowa.  Hell, the book was actually published 20 years before Iowa was even an official state of the United States.

#16 Utah Utes @ #4 TCU Horned Frogs (-19.5)

-I’m going with the Horned Frogs for two reasons.  First, a Horned Frog is a really awesome sounding name for a team mascot.  And second, I actually had to look up what the hell a Ute was.  It turns out it is an ethnically related group of American Indians now living primarily in Utah and Colorado.  Who knew?

Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ #12 Pittsburgh Panthers (-7)

-There is just something about the media hype and national love of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish that makes no sense to me.  They are terrible.  They play a weak schedule, yet still finish around .500.  They have Top 10 recruiting classes, yet still finish around .500.  Lou Holtz picks them to win every week (including them being his preseason National Champion pick), yet they still finish around .500.  Oh wait, that last one doesn’t really help or hurt the team, I just wanted to point out that Lou Holtz is a bumbling, lisping idiot, and has gone from respected football coach to comic relief.  Hey Lou, do you remember the 63-17 game?  It was priceless.

Weekly Lock of the Week

Florida Gators (-15.5) @ Cocks

-If you haven’t figured it out by now, my Weekly Lock of the Week is always whoever is playing Sakerlina.  And yet, my Weekly Lock of the Week is unblemished.  Coincidence?  Hellz no!

Last Week’s Record: 4-4-2

Season Total: 9-8-2

Lock of the Week Record: 2-0

"The Definition of Duke Basketball"

Posted by Sambo

            After one week, I finished above .500 (5-4, but technically I was 6-4, but I’m not counting the Clemson game) with my picks and my Lock of the Week was covering after the first two minutes of the game (thank you Gamecocks).  So, now you ask yourself, “Does this guy actually know what he’s talking about?  Or is he just a lucky idiot?”  The answer is idiot.  Enjoy this week’s picks:

 (Also, I’ve decided that I am going to pick a total of ten games each week, so the last pick this week doesn’t exactly fall under the “Other Games of Interest”, but you will understand why I picked it when you read it.)

 ACC Games

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com.)

 Virginia Tech Hokies (-13) @ East Carolina Pirates (Thurs Night)

-Only 319 days until the next National Talk like a Pirate Day….but Thanksgiving is closer, and I do love me so turkey.

 Virginia Cavaliers @ Miami Hurricanes (-13)

-Toughy here.  So, I flipped a coin and it came up Virginia, so I went with Miami to be safe.

 Maryland Terrapins @ NC State Wolfpack(-6.5)

-Does anyone else find it kind of ironic that skinny guys always beat fat guys at hot dog eating contests?  Same applies here.

 Duke Blue Devils (+10) @ UNC Tarheels

-After seeing that commercial where Tyler Hansbrough finds that little girl’s dog in every single commercial break, does anybody find it amazing that when Hansbrough’s phone rings (in the commercial), he doesn’t throw his arms in the air and then collapse to the floor and give us the “He fouled me, ref” face that he perfected in college?  I still hate that guy.

 Wake Forest Demon Deacons @ Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-16)

-Two facts.  1) Did you know that the founder of Waffle House graduated from Georgia Tech and that that is why Waffle House’s colors are black and yellow?  2) I have never been to a Waffle House sober.

 Florida State Seminoles @ Clemson Tigers (-8.5)

-Before the game on Saturday, Clemson will be unloading their secret weapon upon Florida State.  The Lucas Glover (2009 US Open champ for you slow people, and yes, his name does start with “The”) will be leading the Clemson players and coaches down The Hill.  As a side note, I went to high school with Lucas.  (I just wanted to figure out a way to tell people that.)

Other Games of Interest

 LSU Tigers (+7.5) @ Alabama Crimson Tide

-I find it funny that somewhere over time, LSU’s stadium’s nickname went from “Deaf Valley” to “Death Valley”.  And by “over time”, I mean since the late 80’s.  How drunk is that state?

 Ohio State Buckeyes @ Penn State Nittany Lions (-4)

-Is there some sort of Spencer Pratt Test that someone has to pass in order to become an Ohio State fan?  Yes, I am calling Ohio State fans douches.

 Syracuse Orange @ Pittsburgh Panthers (-21)

-Rob Spence.  Greg Paulus.  Bubble Screen.  Loss.

Weekly Lock of the Week

 Cocks v. Arkansas Razorbacks (-7)

-I have never met anyone from Arkansas.  But then again, I doubt anyone from Arkansas has ever met someone from South Carolina.  Either way, PIG SOOIE!!!!

Last Week’s Record: 5-4

Season Total: 5-4

Lock of the Week Record: 1-0

“Why rrrrrrn’t you looking up at my iiiiii when you talk to me?”