The Curse of Danny Ford

We’ve all heard of the Curse of the Billy Goat, the Curse of the Bambino (now, twice broken), and even the Chicken Curse (a curse created to hide the fact that their school is just terrible at, well, everything), which brings me to my theory. Why can Clemson not get over the proverbial “hump?” Simple, the Curse of Danny Ford! To better understand the hex that has fallen upon our school, here is a brief glimpse into history (cue the fog machine and strobe light):

• After the 1978 regular season, the young Clemson Assistant Coach Danny Ford took over as Clemson head coach after Charlie Pell left for Florida, with his first game and win being in the famous Woody Hayes upper-cut game in the 1978 Gator Bowl.

• From 1979-1989, Danny compiled a 92-29-4 (.760) record, a 6-2 bowl record, five ACC Titles, one National Championship, and several wins over Hall of Fame coaches including Joe Paterno, Bobby Bowden, Tom Osborne, Barry Switzer, Woody Hayes, and Vince Dooley.

• In 1989, Clemson Athletic Director Bobby Robinson freaked out over the NCAA questioning Danny’s program about possible violations for the second time in his tenure and a feud with the coach over wanting to build an athletic dorm for just football players. So, Robinson hastily pushed the coach out the door. Thus putting an end to the Danny Ford Era at Clemson, despite having won a National Championship in the previous decade, despite having won five ACC titles in ten years, and despite making Clemson a national football presence.

• Angered and confused, Danny didn’t coach for a couple years until he accepted the coaching position at Arkansas in 1993 and was fired in 1997, finishing with a 26-30-1 record. Despite the poor record, he did leave his successor, current head coach Houston Nutt, with plenty of talented players which lead to 9-3 and 8-4 records in his first two seasons.

• As for Bobby Robinson, shortly after firing Danny, the Athletic Director was canned by university president Max Lennon due to pressure from boosters because of his letting go of arguable, the best coach in Clemson football history. As a side note, when Robinson was approached in a Clemson parking lot by local newscaster, Stan Olinick, a scuffle erupted between the two, on-air, when Olinick demanded Robinson explain himself about Danny’s termination. That explanation has still not been given to this day.

• Clemson then hired Arkansas head coach Ken Hatfield, who coached for Clemson for the next four years finishing with a respectable 32-13-1 record and an ACC title.

• In 1992, the Curse of Danny Ford befell on Clemson University.

How does all of this gibberish constitute that Clemson is cursed? Well, Clemson’s most successful coach in history was fired over a dispute with the athletic director. This was a situation that was far from worthy of Danny getting fired over, and a situation that could have easily been solved, however, that was not the case. Getting rid Danny Ford for Clemson is the equivalent of the Boston Red Sox trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees. Therefore, The Curse of Danny Ford was born.

Now, you may ask, “Sam, Ken Hatfield won an ACC title after Danny Ford left, doesn’t that negate your Curse theory?” You would think that, you naïve fan you. Hatfield won an ACC title with Danny’s players and if the man was going to curse our school, he didn’t want to punish his own players still at that school. So, the curse did not set in until 1992 season when Clemson missed going to a bowl game for the first time since 1977 (if you don’t count the years Clemson was on probation in the 80’s).

To further prove my point, here is a look at Clemson’s mediocrity of a program since Danny’s departure in an easy-to-read chart:

As you can see, The Curse of Danny Ford has plagued Clemson football and explains a possible deeper meaning to their non-success in the past decade and a half. Since the curse, Clemson has done nothing worth of note on the national scene and their best bowl appearance was in the 2001 Gator Bowl when they got destroyed by the dog killer, Michael Vick and his Hokies. Also, in the past three years, Clemson has been a total of five points away from playing in the ACC Championship, but for some reason, were unable to get there. It’s as if a higher being or force won’t allow Clemson to make that one extra play or make one more field goal to win the one game that they would need to be considered something other than chokers and possibly even lovable losers. When other fans watch Clemson in big games, they all watch just to see when Clemson will blow it, when they will fold and create another chapter of Clemson football losing in dramatic fashion. Inevitable dramatic fashion.

Spinach is to Popeye as Chaw is to Danny Ford.

The Curse of Danny Ford is the only possible explanation for Clemson football not being able to be contenders, not being able to win, and being able to stop this rollercoaster of emotion, we fans call a season, in the station for good.

Every once in a while our friend Sam checks in with random musings. Here goes.

• Did Willy Mac just get runner up on Last Comic Standing? And I know the show is not over, but no one is going to beat that fat funny black guy, it’s against the laws of physics.

Willy Mac bears an uncanny resemblance to the Hemi guy, John Reep.

• I heard that in NASCAR, sometimes a crew chief will put an easily found infraction in their car to hide a much larger one. So, that makes me wonder what the New England Patriots are up to. They got caught with this defensive sign stealing scandal, so what are they really hiding? And I think I figured it out. Has anyone noticed how perfect Tom Brady is? He has three Super bowl rings, bangs hot ass models, impregnates hot ass actresses, and is a really damn good quarterback. Which all leads to direct evidence that he is……..a robot!!!!!

……..from the future!!!!!!!………and from another planet!!!!!!!………but still from the future!!!!!!!

• Guess what, Vick did it, he pled guilty and if you still think he didn’t, then you are ignorant. I’m looking at you, Mexicans.

• How is watching a bunch of rednecks and a fairy turn left for 3 to 4 hours exciting? Frankly, it’s sad.

• I’ve come to realize that I probably will not make it to an old age and will kick the bucket at a young age, roughly 34.7 years of age. And I have figured out the possible ways I’m going to die and the chance I do die in that manner:

• 4% - Stabbed by a hobo
• 3% - Too much sex (and yes, that is an oxymoron)
• 2% - Stabbed by Chili
• 1% - Clemson v. Cocks bar fight in which I get stabbed
• 90% - Die in a horrible car crash that involves my car flipping seven times, exploding four times, there will be a Battle Royale between a T-Rex, a helicopter, and a tornado on that road, somewhere a lobster with only one claw rubber banded will be let loose in a kiddy pool, and two Cocks’ fans will receive a good ol’ fashioned alien anal probe in Columbia.

• If you ever want to waste large amounts of time reading articles about such things as the “12 Video Games with Ridiculous Premises” or “8 Important Lessons Learned from 80’s Cartoons”, then you must go to Cracked.com right now!!!!! (well, after you finish reading everything on this site)

• DFIG got a shout-out on SI.com, check it out.

• Big 10 Football was discovered to be overrated, both of their big-time teams got blown out in their BCS bowl games, Ohio State got bitchslapped by Florida and Michigan did not get a happy ending against the real USC. But why? Underpants Gnomes.

• How has the fat guy on Lost gotten larger since living on a deserted island?

• So, I was looking into what movies are going to be coming out next summer and the summer will be full of sequels. With the expected ones like SpiderMan 3, Pirates 3, and Die Hard 4, but who in the hell thought it was a great idea to fund a sequel to Alien v. Predator? If they are going to make a garbage film like that, then there is still hope of Zoolander 2.

• BCS Championship Game? Playoff System? Or Caged Death Match?

• I read an article on how smoking cigarettes can help prevent Alzheimer’s disease. Well, duh, if you are dead from smoking, of course you cannot get Alzheimer’s. It’s like saying that juggling chainsaws will help prevent erectile problems, but then again, if you can juggle chainsaws, you should be getting laid constantly and should have no problems getting it up.

• When was the last time anyone actually watched an NBA game? I can’t.

• When will the Atlanta Falcons learn that Michael Vick is the most worthless starting QB in the NFL? They claim he needs more time to learn the system, because apparently three years was not enough. And then he got stopped (but not arrested) in the Miami airport for having a secret compartment in his water bottle which reeked of pot. Apparently when asked about the bottle, he folded under pressure and couldn’t throw it away. Ba-da-ching. Also, I thought you had an entourage to take the fall for that sort of thing, especially since he is highest paid player in the league.

• What ever happened to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? That pink one was hot.

• The Adam LaRoche (the greatest baseball player in the Universe) Update: Adam or Rochy, depends on how well you know him, was traded by the Atlanta Braves this week to the Pirates for a worthless closer and minor league shortstop. I feel, since I am unbiased about the situation, that the Braves got screwed on this deal. Rochy is worth the entire Pirate’s Major League team and AA team only, not to mention some of their all-time greats, even if they are old as hell. They should have held out for more, but then again, they did break their 14 consecutive Division Championship streak last year, which proves they are run by a bunch of monkeys (so imagine that Careerbuilder commercial except the monkeys are wearing baseball caps and you’ve got the Braves).

• I always thought that Justin Timberlake was a shmuck until I saw this: