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Posted by Sambo
Welcome back to Block C’s Weekly Picks O’ the Week and a lot of eventful things have happened since the last edition. The Saints won the Super Bowl and have yet to stop partying in New Orleans. Mel Gibson has been proven to be truly insane, instead of just a crazy person. Sakerlina fans are now delusional, oh wait, that’s not new. But most importantly, College Football starts its season tomorrow and we are all psyched to see any kind of football, even if it is Gamecock football (only b/c we will watch so we can pull against them). But first, I wanted to share something with you I saw this summer that I thought was, well, worth sharing.
As the great Daniel Tosh once said on his show (Tosh.O), “What do we all do when we have a week day off? Watch the Price is Right.” And do you know what, he is dead on. Having had a couple days off this summer, I woke up late and turned on the Price is Right to see if it was still good despite Bob Barker having left the show. Well, it was, Drew Carey is not that bad, it almost looks like he is having fun up on stage, unlike Bob who just went through the motions towards the end of his career on the show. Anyways, while I was watching, I saw that the show has plenty of hot models, and there were two white girls on the show that day, the always beautiful Rachel Reynolds and the hot yet slutty looking, Amber Lancaster. Now, I tell you this to get to the next part of this story. After having seen the Price is Right, I was flipping through the channels late one night and clicked on MTV looking for a rerun of Nitro Circus or Jackass, but found one of their new shows called The Hard Times of RJ Berger. I was only watching for two seconds when I got a glimpse of the show’s “hot chick” and instantly thought to myself, “That looks like a less slutty looking version of that model on the Price is Right”. Wanting to know who this girl was, I went to the greatest website on the planet to resolve a problem like this, IMDB. And there, I found out that that she wasn’t a less slutty looking version of the chick on the Price is Right, but an equally slutty looking version because she was the slutty looking model from the Price is Right. And do you know what else I found out while on IMDB? Amber Lancaster turns 30 years old later this month. Thirty! Yet she plays a high schooler on TV. Which means that she is playing a character that is nearly HALF her own age, and do you know what? She totally pulls it off somehow. Which proves my theory that it is impossible for me to be able tell a girl/woman’s age anywhere from 14 to 33 years of age. And with that, on to some foootbawl!
“FOOOTBAWL!!!!”
ACC Games
(Pick in Bold. Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on Coaches’ Poll)
North Texas Mean Green @ Clemson Tigers (-24)
3:30
-I don’t know how I should pick this game, it’s one of those “This team sucks, so the 2nd string guys will get some playing time, plus they don’t want to show too much b/c of the upcoming game at Auburn, but at the same time, you want to make the fans happy by running up the score and getting them free tacos, which is very important b/c everyone loves free stuff, especially tacos, so it could go either way, but I can only assume that it will be a beat down, but then again, I am a slightly biased fan, so my judgment of anything Clemson is slightly skewed, so maybe they will play it safe, but who knows, hopefully the coaches know b/c that would be very bad if they don’t know b/c they are running this program and all, but they seem like they have their heads on their shoulders, what with winning a division title last season and all, so we should be good as long as the receivers do anything this season and speaking of that, I’m not a big fan of using the terms ‘us’ or ‘we’ when referring to Clemson’s football team, it just doesn’t seem right to me, I’m not actually playing, I’m not actually on the team, but for some reason I used it anyways, maybe b/c I didn’t want to type out Clemson every time it or maybe b/c I’m lazy, but at the same time, I understand why others do use ‘us’ and ‘we’ when referring to their team and have nothing against others doing it, I’m just saying I don’t like doing it” kind of games. P.S. longest run-on sentence in Block C history.
#16 LSU Tigers (-1) @ #18 North Carolina Tar Heels
Georgia Dome Atlanta, Georgia
8:00
-Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and throw a big fat asterisk beside this game. First off, UNC will probably be missing half their team due to illegal contact with agents or academic fraud (learn how to not get caught having someone else write your papers for you, or better yet, don’t take classes where you have to write papers, problem solved). Second, when LSU wins, I really don’t want to hear Sakerlina fans’ dribble about the SEC SEC SEC and how they own the ACC. So, when LSU does beat UNC, I’m going to throw an asterisk beside this game and the asterisk will say this “Clemson still owns you, Sakerlina. The end”.
Navy Midshipmen (-6.5) @ Maryland Terrapins
Monday 4:00
It’s Back!!!
It’s the Coin Flip,
Flipping for the Coin Flip, Game
Come on and sing it with me
(Coin Flip)
Sing it with feelin’ ya’ll
(Coin Flip, Game)
Ooh!
-Coin flip came up heads, so I’m going with Navy.
#5 Boise State Broncos @ #6 Virginia Tech Hokies (+2)
FedEx Field Landover, Maryland
Monday 8:00
-OK, this game seems kind of strange to me, only because Boise State is favored. Boise State has never beaten a good team away from their blue field in a game that actually matters. Yes, they won two BCS Bowl games, but that was like their Super Bowl, but a letdown game to their opponents, who didn’t care who won because they would rather be playing in the National Championship game and not against Boise State. They beat PAC-10 Champion Oregon at home last season, but that was the first game of the year and at home. The last time they went on the road and played a real team was against Georgia a few years ago and they got destroyed. I know this isn’t a true home game for the Hokies, but it is close enough and I feel like Boise State’s slower players don’t have a chance in a meaningful game like this one.
Other Games of Interest
#15 Pittsburgh Panthers @ #24 Utah Utes (-3)
Thursday 8:30
-I was watching the high school game, Hoover v. Byrnes this past weekend on ESPN and I found out that the once-legendary Willy Korn has a little brother named Colt, who now plays for Byrnes. Well, the announcers thought it was fun to say his name, except that kept saying it hilariously wrong. I’m not kidding here, but they kept saying “Colt McKorn” over and over. Both announcers, too. What does this have to do with the Pitt/Utah game? Nothing. Deal with it.
Connecticut Huskies (+3) @ Michigan Wolverines
3:30
-Over the summer, I found a funny link of all the most ridiculous laws that still exist on the books in each state. I would give you the link, but I totally plan on using it again. Anyways, one of my favorite laws that I read about was from Connecticut and it states, “A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces”. What?! Does that make any sense to anyone? If it does, please explain it to me, because I am baffled. Just imagine being the room as they were passing that law, I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing.
#22 Oregon State Beavers (+13.5) @ #7 TCU Horned Frogs
Cowboys Stadium Arlington, TX
7:45
-One of Oregon State’s primary school colors is orange. One of TCU’s primary school colors is purple. When combined, you get orange and purple, which coincidently is also the same colors for Cle….just kidding, it’s the same colors as Hooters. And honestly, when was the last time you remember eating at Hooters? I can’t.
Weekly Lock O’ the Week
Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles (+14) @ Sakerlina
Thursday 7:30
-I am picking this game even before I see the spread, only because I saw this on CollegeFootballNews.com, it’s talking about Sakerlina and it made me laugh for twenty minutes:
“ … their last ten-win season was in 1984, which accounts for the only ten-win season in the program’s history. In fact, there have only been two seasons in school history of more than eight wins (1984 and 2001) … the same number as Vanderbilt. The Steve Spurrier era has been considered a disappointment, yet the 35 wins from the Ball Coach represents the best five-year run in the history of South Carolina football. Meanwhile, Florida has won 35 games in the last three seasons.”
Here is the link to that article (click here), it’s CollegeFootballNews’ preview for the Cocks and to make you laugh even more, it literally starts, “South Carolina football sucks.” I’m not kidding, it really says that.
Last Week’s Record: 0-0
Season Total: 0-0
Lock of the Week Record: 0-0
“By the way, this is Amber Lancaster. Slutty looking, right?”
Posted by Chili
Hey, Clemson just started up their 2010 school year last week. As this marks my 7th year at Thomas G. Clemson’s place, I thought I’d share some accumulated knowledge and then segue to random cranky ass comments about stuff.
First of all maybe Clemson wasn’t your dream school for life. Chances are maybe you followed another southeastern school growing up. Well, you go here now, asshole. Take that T or G sticker off your SUV and conform already. This only goes for undergrads. Grad students either don’t care or are understandably attached to their undergraduate schools or madrassas.
You can’t and won’t beat Parking Services. It just can’t be done. The best you can do is flip one of those little carts they ride in over when they’re not looking. Do it. Go ahead, do it, don’t be a pussy, do it. Yeah. High five.
You know what, Clemson? You let me down when you let Ancheaux’s close. One chain restaurant that does the same thing with more cheer and brighter colors opens up across the street and you flock to it.
Oh, Clemson bars. How do I love and hate thee. I love you because you’re cheap, you’re uniquely Clemson, and you’re full of beautiful girls. I hate you because every Thursday to Saturday night you’re crowded elbow to asshole. Knowing nothing about the realities of the F&B industry in a small college town I’ve always thought Clemson could handle another couple of bars. Something with a bit different atmosphere, maybe. Who knows. Let’s brainstorm on this a bit.
Speaking of bars, I was at Backstreet’s the other night and heard somebody order a mint julep. A mint julep? Really? Yeah, let me just get a silver cup from under the bar, Colonel. This isn’t the derby, jerkoff. His buddy ordered a “scotch and coconut water.” Thankfully the bartender gave them both the “are you fucking kidding me” dismissive look that helped to hopefully shame those two kids into ordering straight bourbon for a while.
Hey, Super Taco. Just keep doing what you do.
Glenn Beck at Littlejohn? Well, we’re guaranteed that no matter how bad Brad Brownell’s first season is, the Tigers won’t be the most unbearable thing in the John this year.
Posted by Chili
Related to AGENT GATE, though not expected to be serious. More as it develops.
Posted by Sambo
For those of you who don’t follow college football year-round, then don’t worry, because you probably are not reading this right now and it doesn’t matter anyways. For you non-dorks, then you probably have been hearing all about “Agent-gate”, or as I call it, “Come up with a less generic name for this story-gate”. Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because I’m pretty sure I know why all of this has become such a problem, and to whom exactly we can point our Fingers O’ Blame at for this mess: The NFL, the NFL Player’s Union, and most importantly, the NFL Draft.
“But Block C, we love the NFL and the NFL Draft, and don’t really know what the hell a Player’s Union is, so why are you blaming them for college kids talking to and/or taking money from agents?” Good question, trusty reader and the answer is simple, for which I will try and explain shortly.
Sports Illustrated recently came out with their 2010 Fortunate 50, which is a list of the fifty highest paid athletes based on the athletes’ salary plus endorsements. In the Top 15, there were only three NFL players and coming in at number nine was the most obvious, Peyton Manning. He’s a really great player and he will sponsor anything, so Peyton being the highest paid football player is understandable. But do you know who the second highest paid football player was last year? The number one overall pick in 2009’s NFL Draft, Matthew Stafford. That’s right, a guy who never had taken a snap in the NFL, a guy, who had at the time of the signing of his contract, had never proven to even have the ability to play in the league, yet he is the second highest paid athlete in football. In fact, Matthew Stafford’s base salary was higher than any other player in the NFL. Higher than three-time Super Bowl winner Tom Brady. Higher than four-time MVP winner Peyton Manning. On top of that, there are three other players from last year’s draft on this list. At number 28 was Oakland’s seventh overall pick, Darrius Heyward-Bey ($21.5 million), number 33 was St. Louis’s second overall pick, Jason Smith ($20.5 million), and number 48 was the Jets’ fifth overall pick, Mark Sanchez ($17 million). That baffles the mind beyond insanity.
And there in lies the root of our agent problem. These agents come to college athletes and can promise these kids that they can be the highest paid player in the pros without even having to play a down. And as of right now, these agents are 100% percent correct when they make these promises. So, this is where the NFL, the NFL Player’s Union, and the owners have to strike a new clause in their upcoming Collective Bargaining Agreement that puts a cap on rookie salaries based on draft position. The NBA has this rule in place and how often do you hear about college basketball player’s getting in trouble talking to agents? Never (however illegal recruiting is an entirely different beast). MLB has a rule similar to this and you never hear about problems with agents in their sport, and baseball players make more money than players from any of the other sports.
So, if the NFL were to implement this rookie cap, then agents can no longer promise unheard of amounts of money to these college players, which in turn makes their sales pitch hollow. It would not get rid of the problem, but it would help keep the vultures at bay. On the other hand, it might backfire and cause agents to resort to even dirtier tactics to sign the soon-to-be pros. But you do have to look at the NBA and MLB and take note that they don’t have any agent problems like college football and they have rookie caps that seem to work fine. If they don’t do this (which I’m fairly sure they will), not only will this problem continue, but it will benefit the NFL. It would help teams who end up crippling themselves by paying tons of money to high draft picks who turn out to be busts (cough ….. Jamarcus Russell ….cough) and especially to help crappy small market teams free up cap space for free agents, since they have troubles signing free agents anyways (cough …… Buffalo …….cough …….. Cleveland ……cough ……LeBron James …….cough ……..just wanted to find a way to mention his backstabbing ……cough). In other words, it’s a win-win for everybody, so why wouldn’t they do it?
On a side note, I wanted to congratulate Sakerlina on their recent Baseball National Championship. It only took your school 120 years to win the school’s First ever men’s national championship, which puts the Gamecocks on a pace to win the first school football championship around the year 3348. It’s too bad that by then, the earth will probably be overrun by zombies or robots, or worse, zombie robots.
"I found it funny that when I googled 'zombie robot', that a picture of Celine Dion came up in the results.
Posted by Willy Mac
I thought I’d give you guys some real talk to liven the mood around here.
I found this through Joe Rogan’s website. I love the comments he has about this.
“I watched that fucking thing yesterday at least 10 times, and it makes me laugh harder and harder each time. R Kelly is my favorite unintentional black comedian.
That’s a new category I just made up, and he’s the only one I can think that fits in it perfectly.
REAL TALK.” – Joe Rogan
Posted by Willy Mac
***UPDATE*** – As you know Chili is in China. I’m assuming he’s settling in. I’ll be in St. Lucia until next Friday. Don’t expect much funny for the next week. Check out our forums in the mean time. Also, don’t go to Tigernet. No matter how bad you want to.
Hearts,
Willy Mac (05/13/10)
————————-
Hey there friends. We’ve totally forgotten about you. It’s kind of selfish of us, but what’s really going on in Clemson when it’s not football season? Nothing. It turns into a vast, cold, icy wasteland. So, it’s about as cruel as the regular season but just lonelier. We thought it prudent to warm you folks up with a little fireside chat about what we’ve been doing recently… because when it comes to Clemson, right now we’re totally out of relevant and interesting material.
Oh hey, what’s wrong? No, no, don’t get all weird on me. What’s wrong big cat? Come on now. Don’t be like this. No we’re not stalling you again. We really do want to provide you with fresh, humorous content like we always have! There is literally fuck-all that is interesting going on in Clemson sans the area police departments not protecting the local citizens because they’re too worried about writing MIP tickets and busting up keg parties. Ok, maybe they have gotten one thing right recently, but still they could be worried about a whole lot more than just a few underage kids drinking.
Anyways, where were we? Ah yes. Chili is once again globetrotting as he is studying in China now. Yeah, I don’t get his fascination with the big red countries (he was in Russia when he was an undergrad) either.
I’ve been slowly learning how to enter the workforce and am still stuck in Simpsonville, South Carolina… all the while slowly destroying my liver day by day.
Uhhh, the swimming teams are still fighting for their teams to stay.
What else have we got… Oh yeah, look for our reactions as soon as the conference pillagings (is that even a word???) of 2010 being shortly.
Oh yeah, and then this happened: