We were listening to Dan Scott’s radio show on WCCPFM this morning and he covered an article that was posted on The Bleacher Report a few days ago about college basketball coaches that should be on the hot seat for this upcoming season.  The article is a blatant example of how to write an article and do absolutely zero research on a subject that you are completely unfamiliar with.  The article, The Road to the Final Four at Ford Field: Coaches Whose Seats are Hot, Hot, Hot, was penned by Jameson Fleming.

If you start the article out, it seems fine enough.  It lists in the number one spot Northwestern coach Bill Carmody.  Carmody has gone 3 - 33 in conference play over the last two years.  Then, just below him at number two is Clemson head coach Oliver Purnell.  Did you hear us? I SAID THAT HE LISTED AS OLIVER PURNELL AS THE SECOND MOST COACH IN THE COUNTRY WHO SHOULD BE ON THE HOT SEAT. OLIVER PURNELL ON A HOT SEAT.  HOT SEAT.  LARGE WORDS IN BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS.  IMPORTANCE!!!!

Let’s peruse through the reasons that Jameson Fleming is wrong. By the way, his  name just screams, “I’m a nerd.  No, not the Georgia Tech kind… worse than that.”

- It’s OBVIOUS that he DIDN’T do ONE BIT of RESEARCH for this article.  Because googling phrases like “Oliver Purnell” or “Clemson basketball wiki” is way too hard.  Standing on a metaphorical soap box and just spouting biased opinion is much better journalism… or at least easier.

- He’s been at The Bleacher Report for seven months and he’s a senior writer.  The guys over there tried to get us to write for them about four months ago (back when we were DFIG) and we pretty much told them no.  They continued begging so we finally told them that they could feed our articles but we were going to do zero work.  Hrm.  Following that progression, where is the DFIG article feed in this chain of command?

- Oh, ok.  It’s obvious why you should be writing on matters related to Clemson.  Because you go to Syracuse University.  And you’re a broadcast journalism student…  at a school that is 850 miles away.  Great.  Grand.  You’re an idiot.

- Wait… is that your profile picture?  That’s… you?

Wait… hold on.  This is better:

That’s because just like in the movie your name and your journalism belong in MADE UP FUCKING FAIRY TALE LAND, FAGGLE. You’re a douchebaggot (see what I did thar?)  Next time, do your homework. Please.  Purnell had two straight disappointing seasons?  What are you, huffing adhesive spray mixed with ether?  Clemson basketball used to be terrible.  At least it’s respectable now.  Believe it or not, that first disappointing season was an improvement on the season before that.  And that second disappointing season… catching on yet, Fleming?  Get it together before the owners over there fire you and give DFIG newsfeed the title of “senior writer”.

**UPDATE** You’ve got to give him credit.  Jameson nutted up and changed his article.  We were hard on him but cmon, it was fun as hell.  We do appreciate you volleying back and forth with us.

A very special t-shirt edition of Dumb Shit on Tigernet. Rednecks love a slogan. Not to say that all Clemson fans are rednecks, that these Clemson fans are rednecks, or that being a redneck is a bad thing. But these fans behavior leans towards “kool-aid drinker,” “mouthbreather,” and “redneckish.” Anyway, rednecks love a slogan. GIT-R-DONE, HERE’S YER SIGN, AIN’T SKEERED, YA MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF…, and Clemson specific ones like FINISH THE JOB, the painfully inappropriate slogan for the 2007 squad.

At his first press conference, Dabo Swinney made a passing comment that he loves watching “that poker show”  on ESPN, and that he wasn’t dealt pocket aces but he did have pocket tens. He later added that his players better be “all in.” And with that, the rusty wheels started to turn on Tigernet. “ALL IN?? OH MAN THAT SOUNDS SLOGANY!!!!!!!! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!!1!!1! I WANNA BUY MERCHANDISE THAT INCORPORATES THIS PHRASE!!!!!”

RRTigerGuy has taken it upon himself to beat a phrase to death and then fuck its corpse. The only thing worse than this is the parade of people clamoring to get ‘em some.

Here’s the shirt for you curious folks out there.

I threw away my “Finish The Job” shirt from last year and lit my “Clemson Football 2008: No Excuses” shirt on fire Monday, so I need a replacement ASAP. Catchy phrases on orange cotton really distract from my “manboob problem.”

Screw Similac! Baby can go hungry! I gots to get an ALL IN shirt!!!

RRTigerGuy squats over the fanbase and drops a big sartorial stinkrope on Tigernetters. So many bad shirts. It’s a double flusher, at least. I think that two options are sorely lacking on this poll - “none of the above” and “if you ever design a shirt again you should choke yourself to death with it.” Too far?

Here they are, if you’re interested.

OH MAN OH MAN OHHHHHHHH MAN TIGERTOWN GRAPHICS PICKED EM UP IM FAMOUS IM FAMOUS IM FAMOUS1!!!!

Can’t knock the guy on this image, as he admits it’s laughably bad. But still… damn.

This just gives me the creeps. I… I just can’t articulate that strongly enough. This guy needs his Photoshop license revoked.

I would rather wear a shirt that says WARNING: REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER than this thing.

Here’s our buddy Tom with his own contribution to the cause, if you’re a Tennessee fan, apparently. I don’t think the sexual nature of the statement is lost on anyone. Other rejected slogans for this half of the season are CLEMSON FOOTBALL: BALLS DEEP! and CLEMSON FOOTBALL: AT YOUR CERVIX, LADIES.

That’s all for the t-shirt abominations, on to general shit.

To answer sleestack’s question, if both of those things occurred I would probably kick Scarlett Johansson out of the bed and then go piss liquid gold, because apparently I’d be living in some sort of CRAZY FANTASY LAND.

We’re actually working on something like this, only more EXTREME.

Here’s another one of these messageboard creeps who think every recruit is out there, just waiting for a concerned Clemson fan to take them aside and give that one great pitch that’s going to lock them in. Yeah, I can see some 2012 Heisman Trophy winner at the podium, “Thanks to coolgroovedaddy, without whom none of this would be possible.” Just the sort of desperation and schmaltzy, sappy tone of this post is hilarious to me. Even that ESPN hack Tom Rinaldi thinks this is trying too hard to tug at your emotions.

That’s the latest DSOT. I’m sure I’ll grab some more after this weekend’s win or loss, send any possible DSOT links to ‘chili at block-c dot com.’

***UPDATE***
This horrendously awesome video was brought to my attention. It’s so awful it makes me want to shut down this whole fucking blog and go root for Idaho or some shit.

Wait till the 57 second mark and hang on. Either this guy is the biggest Tommy Bowden fan on the planet or he’s a very clever prankster. Hilarious either way.

According to Mickey Plyler and a number of other independent sources, things are brewing in Clemson today and Tommy Bowden is expected to finally be shitcanned in a press conference this afternoon in Clemson. Mickey is reporting the following bits of conjecture on his blog.

Here is what I know at this point:
*Several key players in this decision understand that a change has to be made. It is now not a matter of if but has now become a matter of when.

*I was told by a very good source that one of the board of trustees cancelled an important business meeting this morning because he had to head to Clemson. I do not know the nature of his visit to Clemson and it may be a sheer coincidence. It is not fair to assume that this concerns football but I think it is fair to be intrigued by the timing.

*I have some information about Clemson’s interest in replacement candidates and information about potential candidates’ interest in Clemson. However, until a change is made I think it is inappropriate to discuss. I hope you will agree on this policy. Believe me, the blog will discuss in detail potential candidates as soon as an opening occurs but this is not the appropriate time.

*I have been told that several key boosters, former members of the board and top university officials have been in contact with the athletic department. These contacts obviously started last week but have continued throughout the early part of this morning and more are scheduled this afternoon.

I’ve (Chili) had several other trusted sources contact me today and tell me some of the same things.

Somewhere…. a lip is beginning to quiver.

Although a source from another site is standing firm that TDP will not be announcing anything today and has stood firm that he does not discuss personnel issues during the season. They claim that there is a slight possibility of an announcement to clear the air but no reason to speculate that TB will be fired.

So I just want to make it perfectly clear that this is RUMOR and speculation.

***UPDATE***

Plyler reporting that Bowden’s regularly scheduled teleconference is still on for this afternoon. Other sources are telling me that Spence could be the one fired today, ala Auburn’s situation, and that Bowden might be sticking around. Of course, nothing out of the ordinary could (and probably will) happen, so hang tight.

Cheer up

There is so much to report from Tigernet this weekend that it’s going to take two posts to encompass the pain, anger, and stupidity. Part 2 will be up tomorrow, so check back for that.

Before I begin with some interesting tidbits from Tigernet, I just wanted to let you know that Bowman over at Sporting Gnomes called this one. You know, being a Clemson fan is like being a self-flagellating monk. There’s no pain you can inflict on me that I don’t already put myself through for 13 weeks in the fall.

Little Orphan Asshole chimes in.

If by “swager” he means swagger… then no, that’s not what we need. Nor do we need to “hit people in the mouth” or to “play with a sense of urgency” or “GATA.” We need a coach who can… coach. The lame football cliches will fall in place after that and you’ll be able to clap your hands and fill in your Block-C Football Cliche Bingo Card, probably with a crayon.

Continuing the cavalcade of cliches is this angry missive. “Stuffed shirt?” No, sweety, now you’re just saying words you heard on O’Reilly.

Now we get the rabid mouthbreathers who have never set foot on Clemson’s campus outside of a gameday and want to get rid of the president of the university because they don’t like what they hear on Gameday. I’d like to toss this guy in a dryer with a pack of razor blades and Magic Johnson.

CAPS LOCK BRIGADE CALLING FOR BACKUP. This guy does have a valid point. Thinking of the ACC teams with better coaches than us is rather futile, might as well focus on the ones with worse coaches than us: Virginia. That’s about it. Grumpy dude in a sweater, worse than CTB by juuuust a bit.

[making a whiny voice and flailing hands] Oh look at MEEEEEEEE. I’m so much BETTER than all of YOUUUUUU, what with being able to emotionally distance myself from a sporting event EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW.

Great point. I think once we finally fully enclose the upper deck then we’ll start winning football games.

SEEEEEEEEEEEECRETS.

Much has been made lately of the quote from a Maryland player that their coaches told them at halftime to punch Clemson in the mouth and they’ll fold. While it is true that Clemson plays poorly against tough teams, any new found “toughness” that Maryland displayed after halftime wasn’t the sole cause of Clemson’s collapse. Failure to react to halftime adjustments made by the Terps, poor playcalling on offense, and costly penalties are the chief ingredients in Clemson’s hot steaming bundt cake of failure.

Some Clemson fans have taken the mentality of wild animals. Loud noises startle them, they nervously keep their head on a swivel, and they angrily lash out on anyone around them. Animalistic rage: Clemson fandom.

Blissful ignorance is the phrase that comes to mind here. This guy is proof that there are plenty of Clemson fans completely happy with the way Bowden’s tenure is going.

Yeah it’s all the players fault. Clearly. For deciding to play for Bowden, that is. ZING.

TIGERBOLT is either a brilliant, master troll, or he’s Tommy Bowden.

There’s nothing I can say that’s better than cryanl’s response. Bravo.