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Willy Mac on Archive for the EKR Category
Posted by Block-C Staff
POINT, COUNTERPOINT: CLEMSON BASKETBALL 08-09
Point: Things are good
Willy Mac: Some people are going to look at this ending in a negative light. I’m not trying to blow sunshine up your ass avert your attention from the fact that we should have beaten Wake Forest, yet again, and failed to do so. Not only that, but we stumbled lazily without hope and ambition throughout the latter part of our conference schedule. But the television announcers reminded me last night right before I switched off the channel that the first season is over. Now comes the fun part.
Now before you continue, shake off that familiar “Oh, woe is me” feeling that Clemson sports always gives you the morning after a loss.
Okay, now here is one important fact to remember: We were pretty much in the same boat last year right before the ACC Tournament. Granted, we ended stronger than this, but the records reflect the same amount of effort. Given the loss of leadership and maturation of young talent (something I’ve been shoving down your throat all year, sorry), I’d say that we’re poised to do great things this weekend.
Last year we were uneasy going into the the tournament in Charlotte, but Purnell had us firing on all cylinders and you should feel confident that he can do it again with nearly equal talent.
Chili: Willy Mac lays out pretty good points above in that the Tigers sort of shat the bed towards the end of the schedule, but given that we lost some big puzzle pieces from last year things aren’t awful. I still feel that the Tigers will notch Purnell’s first NCAA tournament win for him this year. Watching some of the losses down the stretch, it was clear that Purnell was experimenting with lineup and defensive sets, especially in the Virginia Tech game where he continued forcing the press long after it was evident that the Hokies were just going to pass over it. This is likely a change in mindset from a regular season mentality to more of a tweak-it attitude to make final preparations for the postseason, and that’s alright by me. Did we lose games we should’ve won? Absolutely, and that sucks, but there are still more positives than negatives to take away from this regular season.
Counterpoint: Things are bad
Clemson football fan who went to a couple basketball games this year: Horseshit. Toughness. That’s what this team needs, is some toughness (in case you didn’t see it the first time I typed “toughness.”). Toughness. I’m forgetting the horrendous Shyatt years and the slow progress of Oliver Purnell’s first couple of years and suddenly thinking we should win the same games this year as the top tier of the league. Each loss we suffered this season was a painful dagger jabbed into my heart (either that or all the bacon explosions are starting to cause a murmur).
You know what I miss is the Barnes era. Yeah, back when we were real good and real tough. Why do I miss the Barnes era so much? Probably because it exists as a fuzzy memory in my brain right beside the gaping hole in my neuron network caused by mainlining Busch Light for the better part of 15 years. Because I don’t live the Barnes era day-in and day-out like I do the Purnell era it seems somehow fantastic and amazing as I forget all the bad crap, and I’m sure no correlating phenomenon can be found in my Clemson football obsession. Nope, none whatsoever.
Besides, 23-7 doesn’t get you a New Year’s Day bowl game.
Counter-counterpoint: Willy Korn plays football.
EKR: OBLONG BALLS ARE FUCKING SUPERIOR. They’re easier to grip without gigantic freak hands, they have laces, and when thrown against a hard surface their bounce is as unpredictable as the heart of a beautiful woman. A beautiful woman named WILLY KORN. Wait, what? Why the hell are we even talking about BASKETBALL? When I was first approached to throw my two senses (I never understood that, I thought we had 6 senses? How do you pick just two? Who am I, Anne Frank?) at this subject I figured, yeah, okay WILLY KORN finally decided to play basketball, so I guess we’re undefeated huh? NO. No, I was SADLY MISTAKEN. EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT. My overall take on the basketball season: DOOOOOON’T CARE. I was hoping for NBA Jam style dunks that light the fucking rim on fire, but WILLY KORN has decided to stick to football and focus his extemitudes on that endevoration. Fair enough, the KORN moves in mysterious ways, so I guess I’ll just have to watch this Trevor Booker guy stretch rims like Goatse.
EKR OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Posted by Chili
ESPN’s hacky gimmick du jour involves asking fans to craft a Mt Rushmore of athletes for their states, and I thought I’d take time to point out that we were on this gimmick way before the Worldwide Leader. Check out this EKR from a couple years ago, MT. KORNMORE. It should tide you EKR fans over for a while.
HELPING A FORMER TIGER
In a follow up to a story we told you about a couple of weeks ago, former Byrnes High and Clemson player Steve Durham had been wheelchair bound due to cancer and was relying on the efforts of his former coach Harold McManus to raise money for a wheelchair accessible van to keep him mobile. We are happy to report that, thanks to the efforts of his friends in the Byrnes and Clemson communities, Steve has gotten his van. Check out the story here.
BASKETBALL
A couple of articles on Clemson’s basketball team, the first on how the offense travels through Trevor Booker. (Unrelated note, I hope to hell he sticks around for his senior year, it’d be great having two Bookers on the court.) The second article is sort of arbitrary and deals with whether or not Clemson’s ranking is justified. As the article points out, unlike football, we have the luxury in basketball of having a tournament at the end to suss out who’s rankings are justified and who’s aren’t.
RECRUIT HONORED
As mentioned in the forums a couple days ago, Clemson’s top incoming basketball recruit, Milton Jennings, was named to the McDonald’s All-American game roster. He’ll suit up for the East team. He is Clemson’s first Micky D’s AA since Sharone Wright in 1991. Congrats to Milton. We look forward to seeing what he can do on the court next year.
FOOTBAW
RF365 looks at Clemson football’s early enrollees, OL J.K. Jay and DE Mallicah Goodman.
Ed McGranahan looks at Cullen Harper’s herculean task of boosting his NFL draft stock at the combine. Best of luck to him.
Posted by Chili
BACK THE FUCK UP! IS THAT SOME KORNAGANDA? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS.
Feel free to post this anywhere, as long as you include a link to Block-C.
I have to say this is the best poster ever made not inciting violence against an Axis power stereotype. I DREW THIS POSTER IN LIQUID ADRENALINE ON THE BACK OF A CAN OF BUD DIESEL I JUST CRUSHED ON MY FOREHEAD AND SCANNED IT INTO THE INTERNET WITH MY FISTS. WHAT, DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO MAKE ART ON A COMPUTER LIKE YOU NERDS? I’m literally L’ing out L at that thought. LOL.
So anyway… WILLY KORN is clearly being held back from starting by a deep ranging conspiracy among the Clemson administration. Look, it’s simple. WILLY KORN starts, Clemson is undefeated, Dabo Swinney gets to be hired full time instead of just being internet head coach. Also, the economic crisis probably wouldn’t be happening. WILLY KORN INSPIRES CONFIDENCE, A STEADY LONDON INTERBANK OFFERED RATE, AND CORRECT POSTURE. So, someone is holding him out and saying his shoulder is injured, which is ABSURD. THAT’S A SICK JOKE. His shoulder can only be injured by two things 1) an enraged Brock Lesnar (is there any other kind?) chained to a pack of wildebeasts who are also chained to a NUCULAR WARHEAD that’s on fire and B) YOUR LACK OF BELIEF THAT WILLY KORN IS THE GREATEST FUCKING QUARTERBACK ON THE PLANET. IT’S YOUR FAULT! YOU DON’T BELIEVE! YOU AREN’T ALL IN! SOLID ORANGE! ONE CLEMSON! KORN! I FORGOT WHAT I WAS YELLING ABOUT.
WHO’S THE MOST EXTREME ANNOUNCER? DOC WALKER. NOT ONLY IS THIS MAN A LICENSED MEDICAL DOCTOR, BUT HE DESCRIBES PLAYERS AS CYBORGS SMELLIN’ BLOOD AND MAKES FUN OF MIKE HOGWOOD’S T-BONE INFATUATION. DUDE LOVES HIM SOME T-BONES, BUT WHO DOESN’T REALLY? HEAT SEEKING MISSILES, ROBOTS, CAVEMEN? THIS GUY’S LIFE IS LIKE THOSE CRAZY DREAMS THAT KID WHO PEES ON STUFF ON THE BACK OF TRUCKS HAD IN THAT ONE COMIC STRIP WITH THE TIGER.
DEAR CHINESE PEOPLE, STOP TRYING TO HUG PANDAS, THEY DON’T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT. THANKS, EKR.
SPREAD THE POSTER
EKR OUT.
Posted by Chili
(YES THAT IS A FERRARI SEGWAY ROLLIN ON RULERS (THAT’S TWELVE INCH RIMS TO YOU). EXTREME!!)
OKAY GROWN MEN OF THE KORN, THIS IS OUR MOMENT. (Sort of like that song CBS plays during the NCAA tournament, only not gay.)
Last week, Tommy Bowden stepped down. His best move: signing WILLY KORN, worst move: not playing him every down of every game. HINDSIGHT. DANNY FORD’S spirit animal, DABO SWINNEY took over. What does he do first thing? FIRES ROB SPENCE. EXTREME PINK SLIP. Then, he confirms WILLY KORN WILL START AGAINST GEORGIA TECH. ARGGGGGGGGGGGG…. SO AWESOME!!!!! LIKE A MONSTER TRUCK FULL OF SMALLER, YET FULLY OPERATIONAL MONSTER TRUCKS WHICH THEMSELVES ARE FULL OF TERYAKI BEEF JERKY. EXTREME HEART PALPITATIONS. Starting KORN but not firing Spence would’ve been like trying to put out a garbage fire with asparagus piss. STANK.
With WILLY KORN at QB and DABO SWINNEY (damned right he gets all caps, that’s EKR’s gold star, kids) coaching and calling the plays, the only suitable nickname has got to be El Diablo and The Magic Man: NOW YOU SEE ‘EM, NOW THEY JUST LIT YOUR FUCKING FACE ON FIRE. Upside: you’ll look like Ghost Rider. Downside: you’ll probably die or at the least be a burn victim and always look really surprised.
CULLEN IS NOT COOL WITH THIS DEMOTION.
CULLEN HARPER MAY NOT BE TAKING DEMOTION IN STRIDE, BUT AT LEAST HIS LEVEL 70 PALLADIN HAS NEVER BEEN STRONGER. HE ALSO BEAT HIS PREVIOUS RECORD OF MOST ‘MEATSPINS’ WATCHED IN ONE SITTING. I EVEN USED COMIC SANS FONT IN THIS IMAGE. COMIC SANS IS SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO BE THE LEAST EXTREME FONT EVER. COMIC SANS IS TO EXTREMITUDE WHAT ICE WATER IS TO BONERS. UNLESS YOURE AN ESKIMO OR SOME SHIT.
EKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Posted by Chili
HORSESHIT, COACH BOWDEN.How DARE you reject my chatter to install WILLY KORN as quarterback for life?!? I’m a reactionary alcoholic so ever since I read this garbage I’ve been mainlining the MOST EXTREME LIQUOR DRINK KNOWN TO MAN. Vodka-SURGE martini with a twist of kerosene. EXPLOSIVO. What’s that? You don’t have stockpiles of a soda that went out of production 7 years ago? You dumb asshole. Even Wikipedia knows it’s the MOST EXTREME SOFT DRINK KNOWN TO MAN.
“Surge was widely associated with the extreme sports lifestyle.”
FACE. And we all know Wikipedia is right ALL THE TIME.
ON TO FOOTBALL….. AND BEYOND.
BETTER THAN PERFECT. SUPERFECT. (GET IT? I SQUEEZED TWO WORDS TOGETHER LIKE A VOCABULARICULAR S’MORE. MMM S’MORES)
The Clemson-SC State box score shows that one quarterback (HINT: NOT KORN) threw 2 interceptions, and one quarterback (HINT: KORN) threw AND ran for a touchdown. Let me clear this up for you. WILLY KORN IS NOT EVEN A RUNNINGBACK BUT HE RAN FOR A TOUCHDOWN. The White Woody Dantzler also shows up in the box score as being 7-for-7 in passing for 76 yards. BULLSHIT. I SAW THE GAME AND HE WAS 8-FOR-7. “What?” you say, “how can someone connect on more passes than they throw?” BECAUSE HE THREW A PASS WITH HIS FUCKING MIND.
“ICE-OLATED INCIDENT” (EXTREME PUN)
As this site reported earlier, Cullen Harper has complained that his 10 year old sister heard harassing statements by Clemson fans at the game Saturday. EXCUSE ME. All I said was “Sweety, don’t you wish you were WILLY KORN‘s sister instead of related to this Swan?” Then I took her frozen lemonade and spiked it on some old man’s head in front of her and yelled EXTREME!!!! I apologized as I was escorted out by security. SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE – EKR.
COMPLAINTS, ETC
Somebody JUST commented on year old EKR, OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE AWESOMER THAN THEY APPEAR. Here’s what they had to say:
Author : Harlie/Mrs. Harper (IP: redacted)
E-mail : (redacted)
Comment:
I don’t know who wrote this but it’s total bull shit! I’m a really big Clemson fan and all, and I love Willy Korn. But this is kinda stupid! I mean really who sits around and comes up with shit like this??? I don’t see YOU out there trin to do nothin dumb ass!
FIRST OFF, I wrote this. EKR. Me. I sit around and come up with shit like this. Me. You should see the shit I come up with that I’m not legally allowed to post on this internet. I can’t even post it on 4chan. “I don’t see YOU out there trin to do nothin” – well, Mrs. Harper IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME AND NOT AN A.K.A., I WAS on the field “trin” to do somethin. After the NC State game. Up in a certain coach’s FACE. “OBRIEN YOU BETTER BE GLAD KORN DIDN’T START OR YOUR LILLY WHITE SKIN WOULD BE BURNED RED BY HIS AWESOMENESS WHERE IT WOULD THEN MATCH THE COLOR SCHEME OF YOUR NEW SCHOOL” and then I spit Corn Nuts on him and slapped the nearest child in the face. I was instantly sprayed with mace, but I’ve developed EXTREME IMMUNITY just like that dude in UNDER SEIGE 2. Which reminds me, why aren’t there more train based thrillers in our American action movies? WHY, HOLLYWOOD, WHY!? Also, EXTREME IMMUNITY would be the perfect name for the next Steven Segal movie. BALLS.
RANDOM EXTREME THOUGHTS
IF I were a billionaire I would fund Clemson athletics, become the Pickens T. Boone Pickens and just run shit. Don’t wanna start KORN? You’re fired. But, I’m not a billionaire. I’m not a millionaire either. Hell, I’m not even a DOLLAR MENUNAIRE. Times are tough, hombres, and cheeseburgers is expensive.
Touchdown Jesus is missing from the Notre Dame campus. He’s posted up outside the Hill to watch WILLY KORN play on Saturday.
Is there anyone looking forward to Beverly Hills Chihuahuas more than me? NO. No there is not. Not even the producers. I’ve written literally TWO VOLUMES of BHC fan fiction.
WILLY KORN‘s touchdowns count for 12 points. His 2-point conversions count as 1ups.
EXTREME SNACK FOOD IDEA: Pringles made of beef jerky. Call em Jingles, or Shingles or some shit. EXTREME MEAT TUBE.
The LARGE HADRON KORNLIDER broke down this week. Nobody knows why the 10 foot wide, 17 mile long science tube was broken, but I think WILLY KORN tried to have sex with it, and stretched the fucker out. EXTREME MEAT TUBE. INAPPROPRIATE – EKR
EKR – OUT LIKE A BONER IN SWEATPANTS
Posted by Chili
Today’s EKR is brought to you by the opening of the CERN Large Hadron Collider.
It’s gotta be diving providence or some shit. Just over two NON-EXTREME weeks into the season and Coach Bowden is already throwing Cullen under the CAT bus. Some writer with a “college education” has written things about it here on a website that is not Block-C. Look, I got nothing against Cullen, on a Baldwin scale of Stephen to Alec, he’s a solid Billy.
WILLY KORN is waiting in the wings, which is also my favorite discount beach accessory warehouse. Fuck those uppity Eagles jerkoffs.
So anyway, in preparation of the unleashing of WILLY KORN, those French assholes open up some big ass science donut underground. HOLD UP, EKR, you might say, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WILLY KORN, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING TOILET WINE AGAIN? Well, yes, but that’s besides the point. This science donut is called the LARGE HADRON KORNLIDER. BALLS. Even the FRENCH know the awesomeness and extremitude of WILLY KORN. He’s like the new JEAN CLAUDE VAN-DAMME, the most EXTREME Frenchman (Belgium, whatever, same fucking difference – BETTER WAFFLES) ever.
The science donut and WILLY KORN have a lot in common:
- worth 10 billion dollars
- can create tiny black holes
- smash atoms, records
- 17 miles around
- can throw lightening bolt TD passes
- can potentially destroy the earth
- this space intentionally left blank
Hopefully before the crazy physics bagel blows the world the fuck up WILLY KORN will get some goddamn snaps.
FUCK YOU I STILL PLAY DREAMCAST.
EKR OUT.
