Posted by Chili

Yeah, I think this goes without saying. A quivering lip is a little more likable when there’s a big lump of chaw tucked in it.

Posted by Chili

Another post in the typical Tardnet mentality of posters thinking they’re part of the team; of them taking too seriously football cliches they heard playing at Bumfuck High for Coach Hornsnoggle (before he was dismissed for the shower incident, you know the one), or things they saw on Friday Night Lights or Varsity Blues. You aren’t part of the team, you’re on your 15 minute break at CopyMax, if you want to focus on a game in the middle of next season, then do it. Do it, then print that doggy day care brochure already.

Posted by Chili

Yeah those Coots only wish they had an eduation like this eruite gentleman.

Posted by Chili

Who the hell are these Clemson fans that seem to think that Death Valley isn’t a loud enough, wild enough atmosphere as it is? Look, I’m a staunch traditionalist who loathes the woo hoo (if you do it then get the fuck off our blog) and shudders every time Zombie Nation is played in this lame piggybacking of every northern school with a need to force emotion into their fanbase by playing that shitty eurotrash. I don’t think we need a damned thing the add to the mix. Not one-off gimmick uniforms (yeah yeah purple), not white-outs, not silent-outs, not shitty thunder sticks, not interlocked arms.

Oh have you heard of the silent-out? It’s when the entire stadium is supposed to remain silent until the cannon goes off and the Tigers spring down the hill. Then the sudden cacophony of Tiger voices will shock the visiting team into submission as they will yelp, roll over, and immediately present their soft underbellies to the now dominant Tigers. Seriously. It’s science.

Memorial Stadium is damned fine just how it is. Show up, wear orange, and scream until your throat bleeds.

On to the Dumb Shit, the first ones dealing with the hysterical takes Tigernetters have on possible options to replace the silent-out.

Rip Out… shortly followed by nose scrunching, uncomfortable squirming, and a slow waddle to the restroom to start sittin on tha toilet.

Seriously this guy can’t achieve orgasm unless he’s engaged in sex acts that require tarps to be laid down in advance. That was a joke about a man enjoying watersports. Watersports is when someone pisses on another person or is pissed on by another person for sexual gratification. That’s the joke.

Yes, the greatest think since slided bread. The greatest thing since Edison invented the light barb.

Continuing with the theme of unifying ONE CLEMSON SOLID ORANGE under a banner of bodily fluids is this suggestion for a Puke Out. Beaten to the punch by Stand By Me, of course. “I’m gonna eat a sackful of circus peanuts and wash em down with some Slice to make sure my vomit is SOLID ORANGE! SOLID WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARF”

I’m not sure what it says about Clemson fans that you must genuflect and praise the troops and America before simply mentioning that you’d rather not wear camo to the game, but it’s a little odd. Additionally, this guy is a perfect example of the kind of morons on Tigernet; the kind who would actually believe Clemson would do a camo-out. Shit, at least on such short notice, give a man time to get to Bass Pro Shops and back.

This only happens at UVA games, sir.

This guy is stepping up and apologizing for his role in the silent-out hullabaloo, which is good. The dumb shit part comes in to play when he somehow thinks that his douchey, overenthusiastic pleadings for a silent-out could possibly DIVIDE THE TIGER NATION. Tigernet represents a small, enthusiastic, and easily confused portion of our fan base, yet they think the world of Clemson fandom is a fishbowl and they’re the big fat coy flippidy flopping about the water. Mmmm… Tigernet self importance.

Cadence Count done correctly: yes, absolutely. The “Mike Guy” I guess means the mic guy and if he’s referring to one of the male cheerleaders yelling into an amplified microphone attempting to fire up the crowd, then no. That guy was fucking annoying. Don’t scream at me, guy who’s hands smell like boodissy after games, I know how to cheer. Balloon Release? C’mon. We’ve all seen the record setting attempts from the 80s, but I don’t think anyone past age 8 should be excited about baloons. Tiger Rags? Not exactly a lost tradition right there.

All the _____-Outs are retarded. Even the lock arms thing. I like Dabo but damned if he doesn’t love a slogan and a gimmick. ALL IN GET YOUR AXE AND START CHOPPIN HURF A DURF.

On to other Dumb Shit. We all love the “foul on Booker” joke that’s been beaten to death, and we’re all just thrilled to have it back for basketball season.

~fin

Posted by Chili

You know why not many of us know this, sir? Because it’s not true. I didn’t just imagine a triple overtime heartbreaker with the crowd so loud and lively that Death Valley was shaking like Michael J Fox straddling a paintshaker in an earthquake.