Recently, I learned that I cannot watch 3-D movies, because the 3-D glasses give me a headache.  But why would that happen?  It turns out that my vision in one eye is 20-20 and 20-100 in the other (and because of this, the last time I went to get my driver’s license renewed, I had to cheat on the eye exam by looking through both sides of that eye exam thingy with my good eye when the DMV lady helping (?) me looked away) but with both eyes open, I can see perfectly fine.  And I mention this because my picks on Saturday were a lot like my vision, in that my morning picks were perfect (I hadn’t missed on a one before I left to go tailgating, and yes Willy Mac, I came by your tailgate, but you weren’t there, jerk) and my afternoon picks were winless.  Yet, overall I was a perfect .500 (despite the stupid SEC refs screwing me out of LSU covering, those guys are Terrible with a capital T).  So, this week, I promise to do better……or worse.  On with the fun of gambling:

ACC Games

(Pick in Bold.  Lines from Bodog.com. Rankings based on BCS Standings)

#7 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets @ Duke Blue Devils (+13)

-Clemson’s first ACC game of the basketball season is against Duke.  Clemson beat Duke by 27 points last season.  Arguably, Clemson got better this offseason.  Duke got whiter.  I can’t wait.

Clemson Tigers (-8) @ NC State Wolfpack

-The secret to this game is that it is a noon game.  Clemson is a seasoned vet at playing noon games.  Hell, the players were probably so pissed that they had to play a night game last week that they took it out on those poor FSU players.  Also, do you remember when Clemson fans were calling for Billy Napier’s head after the Maryland travesty?  Clemson has scored 38, 40, 48, and 40 points in the four games since that loss.  Crickets.

#14 Miami Hurricanes (-3) @ North Carolina Tarheels

-I had an idea of naming both school’s Top 5 best all-time players, and the best five would be my pick (b/c UNC did have some incredible players and a top 5 would have been competitive, but a top 10 would have been a slaughter).  Well, I easily found Miami’s Top 5, but when I tried to do an internet search for UNC’s Top 5, I couldn’t find anything.  For example, I put in “UNC’s best football players” and the first result was a story with the headline “UNC Football Players Sexually Assaulted”.  Then I made a search for “UNC’s all-time best football players” and the first result was “Best Basketball Players to Ever Play at UNC”.  So, despite having had players like Lawrence Taylor and Julius Peppers, UNC still doesn’t give a shit about football, which made my decision easy.

Florida State Seminoles (+5) @ Wake Forest Demon Deacons

-I decided that each week I will pick one game based solely on a coin flip.  Is this lazy?  Absolutely.  But then again, picking football games is essentially a coin flip.  Anyways, this is my Coin Flip game this week and it came up tails, FSU(cks) is the pick.

#21 Virginia Tech Hokies @ Maryland Terrapins (+17.5)

-I’m sensing a “Brainfart Game” out of the Hokies on this one.  Speaking of brainfarts, this is the only reason behind the popularity of Jon and Kate from that retarded show with their eight kids.  I’m sure this is how it went down:

TV exec – “A douche bag husband.  A bitchy wife.  Eight kids.  Reality show.  I’m telling you, the ratings will be through the roof.”

Boss – scratches crotch itch.  “Sold!”

Hey America, if you ignore them, they will go away.  Please!  They are not worth anyone’s time.

Boston College Eagles @ Virginia Cavaliers (+4)

-How is it that Clemson held BC to 55 yards of total offense and BC is still tied with Clemson in the loss column?  This truly baffles me.  Also, I’m picking the Crapaliers because with a BC loss and a Clemson win, then the “Bowdendidn’t” T-shirts can officially be printed.

Other Games of Interest

#10 Iowa Hawkeyes (+17) @ #11 Ohio State Buckeyes

-Did you know that Iowa is nicknamed “The Hawkeye State” after the character, Hawkeye, from the book, The Last of the Mohicans?  As to why exactly they got that nickname, I have no idea.  The book was set in New York and at no point did the story ever take place in Iowa.  Hell, the book was actually published 20 years before Iowa was even an official state of the United States.

#16 Utah Utes @ #4 TCU Horned Frogs (-19.5)

-I’m going with the Horned Frogs for two reasons.  First, a Horned Frog is a really awesome sounding name for a team mascot.  And second, I actually had to look up what the hell a Ute was.  It turns out it is an ethnically related group of American Indians now living primarily in Utah and Colorado.  Who knew?

Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ #12 Pittsburgh Panthers (-7)

-There is just something about the media hype and national love of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish that makes no sense to me.  They are terrible.  They play a weak schedule, yet still finish around .500.  They have Top 10 recruiting classes, yet still finish around .500.  Lou Holtz picks them to win every week (including them being his preseason National Champion pick), yet they still finish around .500.  Oh wait, that last one doesn’t really help or hurt the team, I just wanted to point out that Lou Holtz is a bumbling, lisping idiot, and has gone from respected football coach to comic relief.  Hey Lou, do you remember the 63-17 game?  It was priceless.

Weekly Lock of the Week

Florida Gators (-15.5) @ Cocks

-If you haven’t figured it out by now, my Weekly Lock of the Week is always whoever is playing Sakerlina.  And yet, my Weekly Lock of the Week is unblemished.  Coincidence?  Hellz no!

Season Total: 9-8-2

Lock of the Week Record: 2-0

"The Definition of Duke Basketball"