Chili on 
gunz on 
AParker on 
You know, when I browse the internet, I do so with the same caliber talent that an NFL wide receiver would play with on Sunday. I don’t know if that’s the right analogy, but take it and run with it. When I find myself perusing the internet, it’s a magical journey that takes hours or sometimes days. I brush with large strokes in searches and link-clicking and the end result is a masterpiece of randomness and hilarity… EVERY… SINGLE… TIME. I’m not trying to brag here, I’m just saying that it is what it is. I usually get help with the starter link, as I did in this case, but after that I’m largely in the driver seat for the duration.
Now, what I’m about to show you is a little nugget of joy. But it’s just not any nugget of joy. It’s the kind of happiness you find out of someone else’s misfortune and hardships. The people responsible for making the following work of art public are also responsible for the train wreck that is Chant Rant. Actually, Rich and crew are decent folks with good intentions. We’ve never had a bad interaction with them, but there’s just no defending this. Without further adieu, here you are ladies and gentlemen…
Chant Rant’s tag line reads, “Unabashed Nole News and Views.” It should read “FSU links and opinion from folks who are too dense to be embarrassed.” You know that unabashed essentially means “without regret or embarrassment” right? So, going forward with this it seems as if you aren’t embarrassed in the least to put this staggeringly unnecessarily drawn (or photoshopped) portrait on your website. It was probably concocted by a mouth-breathing, unrealistic sidewalk FSU graduate reflecting your viewership, wasn’t it? Posting this picture is entirely antithetical to your motto. See that? That’s not an SAT word, Chant Rant. No, no, that’s a GRE word right there. The kind of word that you only kind of know what it means because you had to break down it’s syllables. You’ve just been excoriated, friend. I don’t even know if I’m using these words correctly now.
You really had to make the stretch to do the bit about the indian crying? Perhaps he’s crying because of the trash that fills his stadium every Saturday in the fall. Perhaps he’s crying because he was forced off his lands and into this portrait against his own will. Maybe he’s crying because Mickey Andrews is not only retiring, but he’s obviously moving away from Leon County given those heavy ass suitcases his senile old self is carrying into the sunset. Maybe it’s because you’ve made it look like he’s just going to pack up his shit and walk into the light on February 11th, 2010.
Thank you, John Roberge. You’ve taken the collective feelings of the residents of Monticello, Florida and painted this beautiful masterpiece to serve as the appropriate send off to Mickey Andrews’ illustrious 26 year career. Quite a discreet signature you’ve got there as well. I don’t think it matters what the signature on your artwork looks like, nobody is going to forget this horrendous piece of shit. Trust me. You know what? I’m motivated enough by your unwarranted, random response to a coaching change situation to friend you on Facebook. Let’s see, Google… John Roberge… give it a second… John Roberge – Tampa Bay, FL | Facebook… *CLICK*… give it some time… the internet is still largely dial up services below Georgia… OH… MY… GOD… +FRIEND! CLICK HERE FOR THE APPROPRIATE BACKGROUND MUSIC!
No, Facebook. I’m pretty sure that’s the John Roberge we were looking for. No need to search for any other people with the name John Roberge. Do you see how this internet journey is coming full circle and focusing solely on 1984??? Bonnie Tyler… mullets… Hulk Hogan… crying indian bit… … Mickey FUCKIN’ Andrews!
Seriously though, if you guys ever plan on displaying this in a gallery or at a show, make sure “Holding out for a Hero” is jamming on repeat in the background.
1Jon
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:25 pm:
I’ve seen the impressive array of links you’ve bestowed on me over the years. Myself and club football thank you.
Especially for the video of the guy fucking the snake.
Or the guy getting impaled by the horse penis.
Or the many, many, other 4chan pictures I’ve been sent.
2Willy Mac
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:28 pm:
No homo… er… no furry (???) on those horse and snake links. Called it.
3Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm:
Mr. Hands?!?
4Willy Mac
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm:
Yes… also, you’ve got to open the link in a separate tab to get the full effect while reading this post.
5IM A MAN IM FORTY
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm:
That Cyring Indian is going straight over the mantle. Have to move momma’s wedding portrait.
Any chance we could beat Daddy so bad that Tommie flinches? I would love for Bobby to resign immediately following Saturday’s game. I never forgave the SOB for that punt-rooskie bullshit (and I was there in the fucking rain).
He would follow a long line of HOF coaches that ended their career with a loss to Clemson (can you name them)?
6Tom M
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm:
I pray…absolutely PRAY, that’s actually John Roberge in that Facebook picture.
7dwight_clark87
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:40 pm:
How more AWESOME could this post be? None. None more AWESOME. Thank you, Willy Mac.
8Winfield Featherston
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:44 pm:
hahahahahahaha
9NoleCC
on Nov 4, 2009 at 1:51 pm:
Whoa whoa whoa… I mean look at that photo…
Alright STOP! Collaborate and LISTEN… ICE IS BACK WITH HIS BRAND NEW INVENTION
10AParker
on Nov 4, 2009 at 2:14 pm:
Well I can no longer leave me desk for the day, might have just pissed myself from this hilarity
11Joe
on Nov 4, 2009 at 2:30 pm:
Damn you do have a gift. I don’t know if you photoshoped his friends and picture on that facebook image or what, but that was absolutely perfect for the rest of this post.
12Bag of Dicks
on Nov 4, 2009 at 2:33 pm:
“But it’s just not any nugget of joy. It’s the kind of happiness you find out of someone else’s misfortune and hardships.”
Schadenfreude. That’s a Mensa word right there.
13Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 2:59 pm:
@12, no no everybody who has trolled the internet long enough has seen Schadenfreude, pronouncing it correctly, now THAT’S Mensa-worthy.
14The Weasel
on Nov 4, 2009 at 3:18 pm:
What am I missing – someone gave the Indian “a facial” – not as bad as the one they will get Saturday night.
15ichaseferalcats
on Nov 4, 2009 at 4:38 pm:
@ 3,
Mr Hands is on facebook. You can friend him. That is all.
16zombiejohnccalhoun
on Nov 4, 2009 at 5:27 pm:
@ 15,
What about Tubgirl? Is she on facebook? I need my house pressure washed.
17SANTAMARIA
on Nov 4, 2009 at 5:55 pm:
Gold, Jerry, gold!
18Daniel
on Nov 4, 2009 at 6:48 pm:
@ 1: The horse video – wow. That’s one you don’t forget. And this ‘artist’ is the first person I’ve ever seen blend the mullet with the temple lines. Very original way to keep the opposite sex far, far away.
19Clem
on Nov 4, 2009 at 7:28 pm:
Impressive use of the vocabulary there guys….hilarious
20edbo
on Nov 4, 2009 at 9:54 pm:
Fuckin A and fuckin shit thats ALMOST the baddest fuckin painting ever fuckin painted. FUCK!!! Get rid of the MOTHERFUCKER with the fuckin suitcases and paint a fuckin WOLF and shit in the background!1111!!! Badass wolf profile howlin at a fuckin FULL MOON and shit. Put that on a black t shirt and a motherfucker can get some pussy.
21Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 10:09 pm:
edbo, just stop. Willy Mac and I talked and you just gotta drop it. And now I think it’s just sort of embarrassing that you keep forcing it. Besides, it was better when EKR was doing it.
But seriously, stop, please. For your good and ours.
22Willy Mac
on Nov 4, 2009 at 10:57 pm:
I didn’t say all that. But it is overkill… sorry Edbo. Yes, et tu, Willy Mac. You should have known though… I’m always the first one to stab folks when they turn around. Good luck digging that knife out from between your shoulder blades buddy…
23Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 10:59 pm:
We both said it wasn’t funny anymore. I’m saying it’s embarrassing.
24dwight_clark87
on Nov 4, 2009 at 11:16 pm:
Edbo is good people. However, I think it would be more entertaining if he replaced “fuck” with “foop” like in that old “Father Ted” episode. Just my two cents.
25Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 11:18 pm:
I’m not saying I don’t like edbo, in fact the reason I wish he’d drop the thing is that I like his actual comments and takes on things we used to see from him, not this… this monster he’s become. He went from one of the posters whose comments I look forward to reading to being, well, not that. Hell I’ve missed on more jokes in our posts here than any of our readers could possibly hope to, so I know what it’s like.
26Willy Mac
on Nov 4, 2009 at 11:19 pm:
I don’t know, maybe we’ve got a God complex about ourselves. If its not us saying something funny or degrading about Clemson, it’s not funny to us? It’s like that other convo we had the other day about us alienating our readers with different things. I don’t know. Maybe foop is an answer. But yeah, try it in small doses next time edbo. Maybe you shouldnt have gone… ALL IN… with the bit? Ah, AHA. AMIDOINITRITE?
27Chili
on Nov 4, 2009 at 11:28 pm:
@26, obviously it’s hard for us to be objective about myself or the site, so you’ve got a good point there. I think we have hilarious and knowledgeable readers, but I’m pretty sure the edbo thing has run aground.
28Mogrits
on Nov 5, 2009 at 6:47 am:
I dunno…he mentioned his rehab once. You have to overlook a few things from people who’ve been through rehab.
29Chili
on Nov 5, 2009 at 6:52 am:
“Yeah, I hurt mah nose…”
- Kenny Fuckin’ Powers
30chris simp
on Nov 5, 2009 at 8:31 am:
I liked yalls interview on Scalp em! I hope we can pull this game out!
31TigerSACK
on Nov 5, 2009 at 8:34 am:
Is Mickey Andrews walking into a garnet and gold time warp? Only to come back and do the whole damn thing over again or is he simply advancing to level 8 in Mario Brothers?
32AParker
on Nov 5, 2009 at 8:48 am:
@31, He’s simply advancing to level 8 in Mario Brothers. Cue the mario underground music and get ready to get them gold coins Mickey, its time for you to purchase an extra life and teach more phooseball playing kids how to correctly dismantle the hopes and dreams of others
33Ted Valentine
on Nov 5, 2009 at 11:48 am:
literally…crying…laughing…oh…my…side
34edbo
on Nov 6, 2009 at 12:13 am:
Point fuckin takin and shit. Can we be friends again? I need a hug and shit. No homo
35clemson sucks
on Nov 6, 2009 at 10:37 am:
this blog sucks
36Joe
on Nov 6, 2009 at 11:06 am:
@35, its ok John, they didn’t mean it personally.
37Lloyd Christmas
on Nov 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm:
@35, nicely put….I like your mullet