mogrits on 
AParker on 
Willy Mac on Just weeks ago Dabo had slid down into the netherquadrants of the Dab-O-Meter. The more fickle fans were burning their ALL IN shirts and flinging their own excrement in shame, rage, and mild confusion. A solid victory over Wake seemed to right the ship a bit, but we’d have to wait to see if things took a Tommy Bowden plunge into bitchassness.
Thankfully they did not, though a careful nitpicking of the game proves that there were still a fair share of coaching and execution shortcomings to make one at least a bit cautious about the future and to suggest that perhaps you oughta hold off just for a couple weeks before buying your tickets to Tampa.
The fan base has always been quick to throw caution into the wind, and as the freshness started to wear off the Miami upset, fans were fumbling over their keyboards to type I’M ALL IN AGAIN and post it on Tigernet as fast as their gravy stained fingers could handle. Let’s look at where Dabo has moved this week. Remember, for whoever last week was whining about not being able to decipher the graph, we’ve got the Southern Folksy Charm rating along the x axis, represented by the Wal-Mart child slapper to Andy Griffith scale. Along the y axis is the scale of coaching prowess from Danny Ford to ham sandwich.
The Tigers left Landshark Stadium a burning husk filled with charred jorts and gold chains. Dabo Swinney rode out of South Beach (because that’s exactly where the stadium is, right on the beach! Really!) on the shoulders of giants in orange and white and surveyed his team’s magnificent stance as the top squad in the nationally respected, mighty, dog-eat-dog ACC Atlantic Division. Could this coach, in his first full year at the helm of the Tigers, really take the team to the ACCCG? Can Dabo do what Bowdendn’t? (feel free to put that on a shirt you guys). He certainly seems to have come full circle… err… sort of rhomboid back to near or slightly above where he was when hired.
Next week we’ll see what happens when the Tigers take on the Coastal Carolina Totally Rad Aquachickens in a matchup with little upside for the Dab-O-Meter. Win big and he barely moves up as it’s expected, a close game maybe nudges him down a bit, and a loss would precipitate a fall dangerously close to busting through the bottom of the chart where a malevolent Cerberus of coaching abominations (whose figure may be revealed in a future post) is chained, its maws glistening with slobber as it waits to gobble up a coaching failure. Let’s hope he doesn’t meet the three headed faildog. Until next time.
1thedabokoolaid
on Oct 27, 2009 at 6:01 pm:
this is what keeps me going each morning! should be a tough game this weekend, we’re playing the second best team in the state behind us.
2A770Tiger
on Oct 27, 2009 at 6:02 pm:
He’s come full circle. Let’s hope he’s not on Tommy’s fuck-up bus that’s programmed to drive itself along that vicious circle of shit, fuck, damn, yeah, shit, fuck, damn in perpetuity. GO TIGERS!!!
3Clem
on Oct 27, 2009 at 7:14 pm:
LOUD NOISES!!! LOL. Only complaint I had, and it is a maturing issue I am sure, was Parker’s forced fumble 20 yards behind the line of scrimmage. Not sure if he should have taken the sack or tried to throw it away as he was close to the edge of the box.
4cheapskate
on Oct 27, 2009 at 8:11 pm:
It may have been addressed before, but how exactly did Ken Hatfield’s coaching prowess get ranked above that of a venerable ham sammich?
5NotTop20
on Oct 27, 2009 at 8:21 pm:
Charlie Pell deserves a lot of credit for buying the best players money could buy.
6Tommy vs Skips on fuckin Pay per View
on Oct 27, 2009 at 8:44 pm:
I think Coach Dabo needs to start fuckin trying to slide over to the left of the fuckin SIDEWAYS APEX and shit. I mean fuck nice motherfuckers finish last and shit. I dont want him slappin kids around Walmart but fuck its ok to think I WISH THAT BITCH WOULD SHUT HER FUCKIN KID UP IM TRYIN TO HAVE SOME FUCKIN PEACE AND QUIET WHILE I BUY MY FUCKIN BEER. You gotta crack that fuckin egg before you fry it and shit. I mean FUCK!!!!111!!!
7True
on Oct 27, 2009 at 9:16 pm:
@6 Leonard Smalls should be the outer limit of yon Y-Axis. GIMME BACK MY BABY YOU WARTHOG FROM HELL. I think Coach Dabo would do well to add a little baby bounty hunter, especially during his pressers.
8dwight_clark87
on Oct 27, 2009 at 10:13 pm:
“…would precipitate a fall dangerously close to busting through the bottom of the chart where a malevolent Cerberus of coaching abominations (whose figure may be revealed in a future post) is chained, its maws glistening with slobber as it waits to gobble up a coaching failure. Let’s hope he doesn’t meet the three headed faildog. Until next time.”
Brilliant. Neither Bill Shakespeare nor H.S. Thompson have anything on you, Chili. You could be the next gonzo sports journalist.
Love the big smile on Dabo! Hah-Ho!
9Dr. Bojangles
on Oct 27, 2009 at 11:05 pm:
@8 Yeah, that is a nice touch. I like how each point is not only represented by its position along the x and y axis, but that Dabo’s facial expression changes as well. It’s almost like there’s a *third* dimension!
10cgb
on Oct 27, 2009 at 11:58 pm:
GAWDAMN I love this thing.
11The Rob Spence Bubble Screen Experience
on Oct 28, 2009 at 4:41 am:
“…though a careful nitpicking of the game proves that there were still a fair share of coaching and execution shortcomings to make one at least a bit cautious about the future and to suggest that perhaps you oughta hold off just for a couple weeks before buying your tickets to Tampa.”
Like the intentional grounding, busted play, holding, and clipping that put us at 3rd and 49?
That’s gotta be some sort of record.
12Chili
on Oct 28, 2009 at 6:00 am:
@11 Yes, exactly like that. That and the clock mismanagement. And other things.
13NoleCC
on Oct 28, 2009 at 8:03 am:
Excellent, excellent job.
14Lawtonfunk
on Oct 28, 2009 at 8:18 am:
That’s great.
15Daniel
on Oct 28, 2009 at 8:49 am:
Haha, I just noticed the “loud noises Dabo”, he definitely looks like he could be screaming his lungs out at some youngin’ at a Dollar General with a pair of jorts on and some slogan t-shirt on such as “Mind Closed for Business” (which I saw yesterday).
16Chili
on Oct 28, 2009 at 8:51 am:
At least after the ham sandwich ruins your school’s run of championships you get a delicious meal.
17Winfield Featherston
on Oct 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm:
I do enjoy the Dab-o-meter
18SANTAMARIA
on Oct 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm:
I especially enjoy how post-wake Dabo looks like he is ascending into heaven in that picture, and in the Miami picture, he is actually now a deity.
Also, very entertaining that Dabo and Jack McBrayer bear some resemblance to one another.
19Takeezy
on Oct 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm:
Levon Kirkland’s fb status “Listening to Danny Ford on the radio, ONE Of THE Best coaches ever, players would take a bullet for him.”
thought that was kinda cool. and I think more than player would take a bullet for him!
20CUin1993
on Oct 28, 2009 at 7:31 pm:
Danny should be two lengths higher than Frank and Frank two lengths higher than Bowden. And Hatdog two lengths higher than Hatfield.