ketelonelogic on 
Riggs on 
AParker on 
Chili on The Dab-O-Meter has taken some wild swings as of late. First there was the alleged verbal scuffle between Dabo and Billy Napier that served to cause a wild swing on the Southern Folksy Charm slider for Coach Swinney. He immediately flipped over to “Georgia man who slapped a three year old in a Wal-Mart” territory crossbred with some questionable coaching chops into what I call the Tom Cable Confused Fisticuffsmanship Sector.
Though the Dab-O-Meter is a choleric metric, it can also be easily forgiving as it is based on the turbulent Kool-Aid pool of staggering subjectivity that is the Clemson fanbase. Wake Forest marched into Death Valley and once again was beaten pretty damned badly. There is an old Confucian saying, “I’m gonna beat your ass so bad your kids are gonna be born with bruises” and maybe that’s the deal with Wake Forest and the 82-24 slaughtering Danny Ford’s Tigers laid on Al Groh’s Deacons during the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP SEASON. Anyway, Dabo seems like a coaching prodigy who has ironed out all the problems of Clemson’s season and has got the Tigers on a smooth road to trophy-town. To some folks. For now. We see him bob back up slightly above his post-Maryland levels and a bit more charming, but with an edge. An embryonic Frank Howard to some.
Nobody knows what the Dab-O-Meter will do if the Tigers can knock off the Hurricanes this weekend. Stick around and find out, won’t you?
1thedabokoolaid
on Oct 20, 2009 at 4:56 am:
“Though the Dab-O-Meter is a choleric metric, it can also be easily forgiving as it is based on the turbulent Kool-Aid pool of staggering subjectivity that is the Clemson fanbase.” that is for dang sure, like drunken hillbillies taking a ride on Goliath at six flags, we never know where we are going to end up. did the argument between dabo and billy actually take place? anyone know? great job guys, can’t wait until next weeks installment! (btw, sick as a dog is why im replying to this at 5am. i don’t lay awake at night waiting for these things,lol!)
2CUVince
on Oct 20, 2009 at 7:34 am:
Dabo initially denied it, then said it was no big deal. Then after the Wake game he confirmed it was due to Napier taking up for Parker when he lateralled the ball on an option play instead of taking the hit and picking up the touchdown. Apparently he lit up pretty much all the coaches that day.
These things happen, particularly when your team is struggling somewhat. It’s not really a big deal and I’m actually glad Dabo knows some 4 letter words unlike Pastor Bowden did.
3Chris Simp
on Oct 20, 2009 at 8:08 am:
Not gonna lie, Saturday’s game was the most fun I’ve had in a while at a Clemson game. Hopefully we can ride the big MO into Miami and bro rape Jacoby Harris.
4Willy Mac
on Oct 20, 2009 at 8:27 am:
@1 – I’ve got to argue that your name is “thedabokoolaid” and you did know it was coming. Perhaps you did lay awake at night waiting on it and given your manic predisposition you just didn’t realize it.
@3 – That comment has a sad and tired college freshman joke in it that makes me the saddest of pandas.
5AParker
on Oct 20, 2009 at 8:31 am:
Sad panda is sad….
I like Hat Dog, wish he had a more respected level on the Dabo-Kool Aid of Awesomness-Meter. I’d say if we win this week, he should be Hat dog cool and Simpsons character angry. Yeah
6Riggs
on Oct 20, 2009 at 8:37 am:
@3 “ride the big MO into Miami and bro rape Jacoby Harris.”
Let me see if I understand this. You want to ride a fat homosexual into Miami and then have forced anal intercourse with Jacory Harris.
No, wait, you want all of us to do that-I have to go return some videotapes.
7Chris Simp
on Oct 20, 2009 at 9:28 am:
Listen I just want to see Clemson destroy all of Miami’s hopes and dreams, is that so bad? And if non consensual sex is the path to that domination then I’m all in!
FYI…The volleyball team also plays Saturday and has their Dig for the Cure game against Wake, so after watching some good football I hope yall can try to make it out and support Breast Cancer Awareness..Because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let boobs suffer any longer. SAVE THE TATAS!
8Mogrits
on Oct 20, 2009 at 10:19 am:
Maybe @3 just intends to “humble” Miami- Iron Sheik style.
First clip on the left, directly under his photograph:
http://www.realmofdarkness.net/sounds/wrestling/ironsheik-soundboard.htm
9Willy Mac
on Oct 20, 2009 at 10:54 am:
@7 – Ok Chris, I’m just letting you know you’re about to get a Tom style editing on your future volleyball related posts. Fair warning. And I will humble you.
10Chili
on Oct 20, 2009 at 10:54 am:
Comments have gotten way too buttfuckey.
11PenthouseTiger
on Oct 20, 2009 at 11:41 am:
Where did Coach Ford rank on the X-Axis? I’d say right about where Dabo is now, he wasn’t exactly a charmer but it wasn’t his job to be
12flaact
on Oct 20, 2009 at 11:51 am:
If we beat Miami, I think Dabo will transcend Coach Howard and be right below God. Pretty sure it’s impossible for us to lose to Coastal (knock on wood), then if we beat Florida State he will be tied with the Almighty.
Then if we lose to NC State he will be tied with the dog and if we have back to back NC State / Virginia losses he will be below the ham sandwich. Then a win over South Carolina will put him just above Bowden, because there’s always next year until you haven’t won an ACC championship in a decade.
I don’t think I’m redneck enough to understand the inner workings of the X axis…
13thedabokoolaid
on Oct 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm:
@2 thanks, def agree with the second part about him knowing four letter words. oh, and by the way, your gravatar is freakin awesome! cocaine is a helluva drug =)
@4 agreed! lol, subconscious dabo worship! btw, im screwed if he gets fired. what will my name be?!
14Willy Mac
on Oct 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm:
@13 – thejeffscottkoolaid??? Just throwing that out there as a guess.
15dwight_clark87
on Oct 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm:
@14 – thepeteyannitykoolaid is my vote. Plus, Pete would look extra creepy shoving the play-card down the front of his pants.
New Dabo-meter is awesome, BTW. If Clemson wins against Miami, Dabo should be represented on the meter with a picture of him smiling, as if saying, “See? I told you’uns I’d win this here un!”
16disrat
on Oct 20, 2009 at 2:41 pm:
Now that you’ve got some more data points to fill up the white space, how about moving the axis to their proper locations so you can stop implying that Danny Ford and a Ham Sandwich are at the same level of hillbilly.
17The Gurgling Cod
on Oct 20, 2009 at 4:10 pm:
Ok with swings on the X-axis. Bear Bryant managed to pull off the charming/successful duo, but my pro team is the Patriots, and I’ve been pretty happy with the charmless/successful combination. Seems to work for Saban, as well.
It may be because I am a stranger to these parts, but I was surprised that a shouting match involving two coaches of a very talented 2-3 football team was news. “It’s correctable”-style complacency would be more alarming.
18Chili
on Oct 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm:
@16 I see where you’re coming from, and I’d also like for you to see that this is a made up thingamabob on a blog and shouldn’t be read into too much. Also, it’s not a level of hillbilly, it’s a level of Southern Folksy Charm. And Danny Ford and a ham sandwich could be exactly at the same level depending on the condiments and whether or not said ham sandwich was deep fried.
@17 I’m glad you’re okay with the swings on the x-axis. I’ll make sure and consult you before I post next week’s to see if you’re okay with that too.
19dwight_clark87
on Oct 20, 2009 at 6:06 pm:
@18 -Wow, Chili! Who peed on your moules and frites? Zut alores!
20disrat
on Oct 20, 2009 at 6:51 pm:
@18 Thanks for pointing that out. I was under the (apparently false) impression that this was scientific and backed up by hard data and tons of computer simulations. Doesn’t change the fact that when you plot your axis in the middle of your chart, the relative position of the axis becomes meaningful. Maybe I would have had an easier time remembering that it was “Southern Folksy Charm” if you had labeled your axis too.
21Chili
on Oct 21, 2009 at 3:02 am:
@20 I’m sorry that it’s not labeled, professor, but I did mention “Southern Folksy Charm” in the text of the post. God forbid I assume people read the text and enjoy the post rather than just nitpick the graph.
22Daniel
on Oct 21, 2009 at 8:12 am:
Let me just say two things:
1.) I don’t give two shits about the ‘mathematical correctness’ of the Dab-o-meter b/c it’s funny and I would find myself on the negative x-axis much of the time on this graph anyway.
2.) If we have to resort to going all ‘Deliverance’ to beat Miami (or anyone on our schedule) then I’m, by no means, ‘all in’. I’m going to rely on an aggressive defense and some big plays from CJ, but that’s just me.