Welcome to outing number two of our series that I will be doing to help you weasels out there with tailgating.  User submissions will be more than welcomed. Again, if you’d like to contribute a few things, stories, pictures, etc. please shoot us an email to ‘dannyfordisgod -at- gmail -dot- com’ and we will consider putting you in a future segment. Today’s topic will be grilling. GRILLING. MEAT. YYYEEEAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH.

Grilling is something that everyman, no matter the sexuality or manliness, should at least be halfway decent at. If not, then you’re wasting your damn life. Go out and get yourself schooled up on it.  I don’t claim to be king, but I’m pretty darned decent and I have a great method that works out very well. Remember that it’s not only how you grill, but what you’re grilling with that makes a difference as well.

I’ll be looking at a few factors that go into a successful tailgate grilling campaign. Hopefully I can provide some insight to certain worries or concerns you may have concerning grilling. What type of grill is best for tailgating around Clemson? Which meats are a hit and which ones are not so much? What makes clean up/packing up the easiest? What’s the best way to transport everything?

More after the jump…

First, let’s talk about the type of grill that I consider to be the best set up for grilling before and after the game. Some of the key factors going in to my decisions in this article are size, portability, effectiveness, durability, and fix-ability. Guys, here’s my disclaimer: If you know anything at all about grills or grilling, I’d suggest you shouldn’t try fixing it. Don’t touch nuffin’.  Beyond normal operation, don’t touch anything if you can’t name it. I’ve also come to these decisions based on what has and what hasn’t worked best in my previous experiences.

Let me just put this out there: For the purposes of tailgating, charcoal grills are the worst possible things you can use. I might catch some heat for this, but I’m going to stand my ground.  It’s entirely too messy and too much of a hassle. “But dude, it makes everything tas-…” SHUT UP! No it doesn’t.  Life is too short to worry about tasting the difference between charcoal and gas after you’ve been drinking. Plus, most charcoal grills and set ups are far more expensive in the long run.  They take too long.  There is a dadgum laundry list dedicated to why you shouldn’t use charcoal.  If you are dead set on charcoal and just won’t listen to me, fine.  Go with this little Weber grill because if it breaks you can replace most anything on it at the Ace Hardware right there across from Rockhoppers. But honestly, it’s too messy. For god sakes don’t get sucked into the Bud Light Grooler. It’s not going to be that cool in real life and it’s a fire hazard waiting to burn down your tailgate.

Personally, I have a grill from the Weber Q gas grill series. It’s got a little tin foil catch tray for the grease that falls out of the hole on the bottom, but I’ve got a truck so what I do is put the tailgate down and put the grill directly on the bed door. I let the grease fall directly on the liner. It works so easily that way and I don’t have to do any lugging or heavy lifting. If you don’t have a truck you could just put it directly on the ground and let the weather/animals take care of the clean up. If you want to go big time, you could go with an actual BBQ trailer pit or you could go with a Party King.  I’ve seen one of those in action and yeah, if I had a Scrooge McDuck pile of money to throw around I’d definitely be getting one of those. Then I would pay someone else to clean everything… and pay someone to cook for me… and drive for me… so… if I hit the jack pot you guys can have first dibs on the jobs.

Going with my love for Coleman products, I also looked into their Roadtrip Grill. Up close it seemed like it would be too hard to fix and I didn’t want to deal with a stand up grill. I just wanted to be able to set a grill on my truck tailgate and start cooking. I also didn’t want to constantly clean grease and stuff off of the grill and it’s legs because I know I wouldn’t ever to remember to bring the grease catch pan and it would get everywhere. But it is a damn nice looking grill:

It also has a few good griddles that fit onto it, but I haven’t done any breakfast yet at a tailgate. I’m sure it’d be a good grill for actual camping but it doesn’t really serve the best purpose for tailgating. I think for tailgating the Coleman InstaStart would be a better pick up.  You might not be sold on them, but the things can put out some heat. They’re also super reliable and a buddy tells me they’ve performed the best during these past two rainy games.  Hell, you can probably pick up a cheap and easy to fix no name brand at Wal Mart if you’re really desperate and don’t feel like shelling out money for a big boy grill.

Now, what should you cook? Personally, unless you’ve got the giant smoker or barbecue, it might be best to stick to the easy entrees.  People are easy to please, but people that have been drinking are even easier to please. Burgers, bratwurst, hot dogs, chicken breast… these should be your staples. Tenderloins, ribs, giant turkey legs, or anything similar should be nixed from your game plan completely. There is just too little time to commit for an effective outcome. I’d suggest branching out into things like steak after a few successful outings.

To ease the pain that the charcoal folks must be feeling by now, I suggest Liquid Smoke.  It’s a cure all for tailgating and a necessity for on-the-go barbecuing.  Okay, down the road it may cause cancer and is practically the liquid version of what you’d find in a coal miner’s lungs. So what. Worrying about things like this is bordering into nit-picking territory. The plus side is that it tastes good now.

When it comes to burger making, if you’re hesitant about keeping the meat from touching filthy hands or getting ruined in the cooler before hand I’d have to suggest that you go with frozen Bubba Burgers. Yes, they’re frozen but they’re easy to grill. Even a novice shouldn’t have any problems and you just have to keep them near freezing temperature before cooking them. They’re found at local grocery stores and for a very modest price I might add. They’ve also got a few flavors in case you’re not savvy in terms of marinating or spicing.

Now, you experienced grillers might want to go with some exotic meat.  Deer is always a good choice but I’ve run into some problems. Men are usually first to line up and try a leaner, tastier burger. The females always seem a bit squeemish unless they’re a few beers deep. Personally, I like anything exotic because usually it is just better than a normal beef patty in many ways.  As some of you might know, I SHOT A FRIGGIN’ ELK! I’m still using meat from that sucker so hunters having trouble unloading meat know this: The tailgate is the best place to not only brag about he big kill, it’s the best place to show off your complete mastery of cavemannishness… Is that a word? If you’ve got a buddy that hunts it might not be a bad idea to snag a few pounds of burger off of him if you’re not inclined to go out and kill the damned thign yourself.

Lastly, I leave you with a tried and true recipe that is absolutely a knockout.  If you stroke your ego via comments from folks who enjoy your grilling, this is the ace that should be up your sleeve. This recipe makes one pound of ground meat and should produce four nicely sized patties.

- 3/4 lb. of ground beef

- 1/4 lb. of ground lamb

- A dash of salt and pepper per patty

- Sprinkling of smoked paprika per patty

- Freshly grated Cracker Barrel brand extra sharp cheddar cheese

- Fresh sesame seed or diced onion buns.

Mix the lamb and beef immediately before grilling preferably. Pack the meat into four patties. Give each patty a decent dash of salt and ground black pepper. Give each patty a healthy (but not generous) sprinkling with smoked ground paprika.  This next part is pivotal: Freshly grate some cheddar cheese into a bowl. I know it’s a pain in the butt, but it makes all the difference in the world. Spray both sides with a cooking spray and throw it on the grill with about medium heat. Grill as long as you see necessary, but eight to ten minutes should be fine, flipping as necessary.  Thirty seconds to a minute before you’re ready to pull your burgers, drop some of that grated cheddar cheese on your burgers. If requested, you might want to drop the buns face down on the grilling surface. Close your lid and wait. Then serve with a sesame seed or diced onion bun with condiments if you want, but these burgers should be good without. Enjoy the flavors of the bun, meat mixture, spices, oils, and cheese.