Posted by Chili

With just 3 games remaining in the NCAA Tournament, here are your EBE09 standings. Struz is rocking hard with 100 cc’s of win, STAT:

1 The Struz
2 Joltin’ Joe’s Sack o Rama
3 The Original Tigersack
4 Picking By Color
4 Funky Trunks
6 Cheap seats
7 Jizzed in My Pants
7 The Wet Biscuit
9 America Fuck Yeah!
9 Kegs ‘n’ Eggs
9 Terrible Picks
9 Sumner’s Bracket Explosion

Posted by Willy Mac

While you were out speed walking this weekend, we were out with Mr. T hunting your ass down:

Baseball stuff

• The weekend breakdown went as follows: We lost on Friday 13-1, then we won both games of a double header on Saturday.  This is pretty good considering most of our experienced players missed the games due to injury or other commitments. Also you have to factor in the fact that the Eagles are a much improved squad from last year as they have already taken 2/3 from FSU in Tallahassee.
• We’re playing in Athens against Georgia at 7pm Tuesday night.  Then we bring it back to Doug Kingsmore to play them again at 7pm on Wednesday.
• This weekend we play Duke in a three game series at home starting with the 6:30pm game on Friday night.

OMIGOD FOOTBALL

• We had a lot of guys show out this weekend on the football field. Our running backs netted over 200 yards and Willy Korn and Kyle Parker combined for five touchdowns.  Again, stats at this point are meaningless but they’re fun aren’t they?
• The quarterback battle remains close between Korn and Parker. Swinney seems to be factoring every aspect of their game play, including the way they react and play in wet conditions.
• Other standouts from this weekend include Chad Diehl, Jamie Cumbie, DeAndre McDaniel, Tig Willard, Marcus Gilchrist, and Tarik Rollins.  The wide receivers stepped up their roles somewhat, but rumor has it that the coaches still aren’t pleased.
• Block-C is trying to put together a tailgate for the spring game.  Check back here or the forums.  We’ll keep you updated but suggestions are welcome.

Basketball links and maybe more later

• At least somebody at Clemson isn’t afraid to dunk a basketball in March.
• Trevor Booker is coming back next year.  Thanks for staying the course big man.

Posted by Willy Mac

Posted by Chili

The ENTIRE TEAM was on Valium. Yeah… that’s the ticket! (Thanks to CGB)

“They had me on this really strong stuff, Valium,” Benton said. “They (Clemson trainers) were like ‘Dang, they gave you Valium? ‘I was like ‘Yeah.’ They were like ‘That’s why you couldn’t concentrate.’ ”

“We got him off the Valium and he kicked the ball pretty good.”

Posted by Chili

WHAT WILLY KORN DID ON HIS SPRING BREAK
AS IMAGINED BY EKR

I DON’T KNOW WHAT WILLY KORN DID FOR HIS SPRING BREAK LAST WEEK, AND A CERTAIN “RESTRAINING ORDER” IS KEEPING ME FROM “LEGALLY TRACKING HIS MOVEMENTS” ANYMORE, SO I AM IMAGINEERING SOME SHIT UP THAT I BET THAT GOLDEN ARMED FUCKER DID LAST WEEK.

Look, Clemson isn’t the most exciting place on the planet (unlike the inside parts of my Zubaz, HIYOOOOOOO), but WILLY KORN was stuck in Tiger Town because of spring practice so he had no choice. Now, WILLY KORN is straight up known in the Spring Break hot spots of the world. Rumor has it that he’s banned from every Carlos N’ Charlies this side of the equator because of an incident involving a bandoleer of tequila shots, a greased up bottle of Cabo Wabo, and a member of the Rutgers dance team. So anyway, he’s stuck in Clemson because he has to show out and melt bitches faces off with his five finger exploding palm death TD pass and whatnot.  So what’s a platinum shouldered future LEGEND to do? GET EXTREME AND PUSH IT TO THE MAX! ALL IN!

So, with only his supply of spring break snacks in front of him, WILLY KORN went all fuckin’ Ty Pennington on a kick-ass houseboat to rock out (cock-out optional) on Hartwell ALL WEEK LONG. You’d be surprised how seaworthy a 2 story houseboat made predominantly from Slim-Jims and grape Big League Chew is… if you weren’t WILLY KORN… which you AREN’T…. unless you are….  The highlight of the EXTREME HOUSEBOAT is definitely the vagina-shaped swimming pool. Just like in life, WILLY KORN is always ready to dive in head first. so anyway, after the upstate fat cats drained Lake Keowee to fill Hartwell to the brim so WILLY KORN could experience optimum EXTREME HOUSEBOAT CONDITIONS, he threw an EXTREME HOUSEBOAT SPRING BREAK PARTY. Everybody was there: Macho Man, Gallagher, some of those X-Games dudes, that DJ from Zoolander, Stacey Keibler, that redhead chick who danced on top of that car in that Whitesnake video, your mom, President Barker, The Fridge, the guy who talked real fast in those Micro Machines commercials, Matthew Lesko, your sister, me, Octomom, the Swedish Bikini Team, some Vivid girls, OH YEAH and your mom.

Dude, it was just like when MTV Spring Break went to that fuckin’ lake in New Mexico or wherever back in the 90s. I bet that dude from The Grind was there trying to pick up chicks just by doing an up-tempo dance to How Bizarre telling them that he’s that dude from The Grind. I bet that shit works like a motherfucker, too. But then in ten years some chick is all like “I banged that dude from The Grind that one time” and all her friends know it but they try to keep it from her fiance because he’s from a really conservative family and they wouldn’t approve of his wife having taken some Grindcock back in the day. Yeah.

WILLY KORN‘s WRESTLING NAME IS SONIC FRANKENSTEIN. MARINATE ON THAT.

ALSO, IF YOU LIKE THAT FLO-RIDA SONG “RIGHT ROUND” THEN PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELF.

EKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR OUT