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Willy Mac on This just in.
Clemson didn’t win today. Chris Smelley handed the game over. He’s the sole reason Sakerlina lost. I’ve learned this from reading these two blogs – Team Speed Kills (see how they deftly avoid mentioning Sakerlina in their title, they purport to be an SEC blog since, you know Gamecock fans are so well versed in the SEC since they have to have somebody through whom to live vicariously) and Garnet and Black Attack.
What I also learned from Garnet and Black Attack was that Clemson nicknamed their stadium after LSU’s Death Valley, which comes as a startling surprise to me as I thought Clemson was named that in 1948 by the Presbyterian College head coach, and LSU’s stadium had been known for a time as Deaf Valley due to its noise level, but never Death Valley until the Bayou Bengals decided to adjust it to match our nickname. I suppose there was some mix up on my part there, I’m sure. I guess I should take their sage wisdom with a grain of salt as they decided before the game that Clemson would bow to their defense.
The comments on that post, also, are a great fountain of wisdom for us Clemson fans. Reading those posts, and this followup article on GABA, we learn that it was Smelley and ONLY Smelley that lost the game. I remember thinking to myself, when CJ Spiller was breaking ankles, or James Davis was putting his shoulder down and making defenders look like schoolboy bitches, that it was remarkable to have Chris Smelley playing all eleven defensive positions simultaneously. Oh, my bad, I just now noticed that they do blame the defense. But only the third down defense, which, you know, is different than that OTHER defense. Clemson was among the worst teams in the nation when it came to third down conversion rates, but managed to gash open Sakerlina, go figure.
Team Speed Kills aims to show us that they’re above this whole rivalry. They’re over it, they’ve moved on. Hell, they’ve already got several posts up about the whole Sylvester Croom situation. What blowout loss to our hated rival? We don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh yeah, they cover the whole SEC, that’s right..
Let’s eviscerate take a look at some of their wise predictions, all the while taking into account that we picked Clemson to lose or barely win…
GABA has the following reasons listed for Sakerlina to win.
1) ACC vs. SEC. Wait. Just hold the fuck up. “WE’RE GOING TO WIN BECAUSE WE THINK OUR CONFERENCE IS TOUGHER AND THAT WILL HELP US BEAT YOU BECAUSE WE PLAY SOME REAL TOUGH TEAMS!” Seriously? Really? They’re still trying this old gag?
2) Davis and Spiller aren’t anything to worry about. And I quote, “But this year, much like the rest of The Team from the Upstate, there’s no reason to be concerned about them.” First off, let me tip my hat (I DON’T WEAR ONE BUT IM INTERNET-PRETENDING) to this guy. We give a phonetic spelling of South Carolina — “Sakerlina” — but this cat doesn’t even fucking say “Clempsun.” I could make a Tigernettish joke about him knowing the name since it’s who they make out those Williams-Brice rent checks to, but I won’t. OR DID I? Anyway, you know how this went – 179 yards and 3 TDs from Davis and Spiller. No worries!
3) Steve Spurrier: Most Important Game. Yeah, so he’s gonna try real hard, you guys!
4) The South Carolina Defense. Too bad those third down guys fucked it up for the rest of the vaunted defense who just gave up 56 points.
5) One Quarterback. Four Picks.
Hindsight is 20/20 and all, but — fuck — some guys are blind either way. I guess I oughta take anything a guy with the screen name CocknFire (some gimmicky horseshit meant to 1. describe the “stunningly efficient” Sakerlina offense and 2. work in yet another COCK reference into something relating to that school) with a grain of salt. My screen name might as well be TommyWestPowerFootball.
1JasonL
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:34 pm:
And therein lies why I hate the cocks and their fans.
Blitherin’ Idiots.
2Willy Mac
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:44 pm:
Jesus christ. At least Block-C is somewhat unbiased and reasonable (like when we said USC’s defense was good). I guess some people can’t take their shots like real men.
3rhett
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:47 pm:
and they’ve already started saying… “wait ’till next year.”
4CUvinny
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:56 pm:
Damn, tore them apart good. Gotta add some stuff on Ron Morris and his 4234 to 5 win prediction for USuCk though.
5Willy Mac
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:56 pm:
YES! I love shit like this: http://www.garnetandblackattack.com/2008/9/2/606148/can-clemson-say-one-and-do
6TommyWestPowerFootball
on Nov 29, 2008 at 10:57 pm:
You got a problem with my screenname?
//Actually manse.
7Charlie
on Nov 29, 2008 at 11:01 pm:
The strongest argument against Darwinism is the fact that Carolina fans are still on the planet.
8Tom
on Nov 29, 2008 at 11:46 pm:
@7 – them and queers
9cocknfire
on Nov 30, 2008 at 1:36 am:
Okay, let’s answer a few of these things.
First of all, I write for both sites, so yes, I focused mostly on the news of the day in the SEC (Croom and Fulmer leaving) at Team Speed Kills and will write more about the game itself at Garnet and Black Attack tomorrow, as I will write more about the SEC games I haven’t covered yet on Team Speed Kills tomorrow. Normally, I’d assume you guys couldn’t read, since that’s not a strong suit for Clemson fans (there I said the name instead of my usual joke — does that make you feel better?) but since you obviously read the posts, I guess you just ignored the bylines. Or maybe you just decided not to let a few piddly facts get in the way of your self-righteous taunting.
As far as Smelley losing the game: Take away for the minute the wild passes he threw that missed wide-open men (including one that would have been an easy TD right before his fourth an final interception — wouldn’t change the game, in all likelihood, but would have made things more respectable). You guys got 17 points off of Chris Smelley interceptions. Your final margin was? 17 points. Just so I’ll make sure I’m not writing over the head of Clemson fans, 17=17. Therefore, points off interceptions = margin of victory. Yes, Spiller in particular was impressive. But that no more takes away from the fact that Smelley’s interceptions helped cost South Carolina the game than the interceptions take away from the fact that Clemson played a better football game Saturday. Again, bringing this down to a very simple level, so you can hang with me: Smelley’s interceptions mattered, but the team that played better Saturday won. There’s no way around either of those things, if you’re so good at looking at things objectively.
I did write the Five Reasons post. (You conveniently left out the fact that it also included five reasons South Carolina would lose the game, but selective quotation/paraphrasing is par for the course, so okay.)
“1) ACC vs. SEC. Wait. Just hold the fuck up. ‘WE’RE GOING TO WIN BECAUSE WE THINK OUR CONFERENCE IS TOUGHER AND THAT WILL HELP US BEAT YOU BECAUSE WE PLAY SOME REAL TOUGH TEAMS!’ Seriously? Really? They’re still trying this old gag?”
The SEC got beat Saturday. This is an embarrassment — any league having a losing record against the ACC is an embarrassment, really — but playing tougher competition does help a team prepare better. It didn’t help in this case, probably because the SEC was overrated this year, something I’ve been saying for a few weeks now.
“2) Davis and Spiller aren’t anything to worry about. And I quote, ‘But this year, much like the rest of The Team from the Upstate, there’s no reason to be concerned about them.’ First off, let me tip my hat (I DON’T WEAR ONE BUT IM INTERNET-PRETENDING) to this guy. We give a phonetic spelling of South Carolina — ‘Sakerlina’ — but this cat doesn’t even fucking say ‘Clempsun.’ I could make a Tigernettish joke about him knowing the name since it’s who they make out those Williams-Brice rent checks to, but I won’t. OR DID I? Anyway, you know how this went – 179 yards and 3 TDs from Davis and Spiller. No worries!”
Two things. First, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings by not using your name. If I knew it was offensive to you, I wouldn’t do it. Okay, so I lied there. But, again, selective quotation — both taking out the statistics that backed up that statement (sorry, they hadn’t been more than a couple of decent running backs in about two months before Saturday) and leaving out where I later said “Spiller is still a talented player … and he averages 138.9 all-purpose ypg. He catches, he returns, he does a little bit of everything — meaning he gets plenty of opportunities to defeat us.”
“3) Steve Spurrier: Most Important Game. Yeah, so he’s gonna try real hard, you guys!”
An intangible. I put some in for Clemson, too.
“4) The South Carolina Defense. Too bad those third down guys fucked it up for the rest of the vaunted defense who just gave up 56 points.”
Um, Florida’s offense is a world better than yours. If you can’t see that, well, I can’t help you. How ’bout this: We just add Alabama’s point margin over Clemson to Florida’s point margin over Alabama, and it’ll be just like you played them, right?
“5) One Quarterback. Four Picks.”
Selective quotation again. I said in this point that “I might not think it’s the right choice … ” Which I wasn’t sure. Smelley proved my worst fears right.
Another thing you didn’t notice, because you probably weren’t looking there, is where I told our SBN blogger for Georgia that he would probably get his wish that Dabo would remain the coach at Clemson — and that both of us (Georgia and South Carolina might yet live to regret it.
“I guess I oughta take anything a guy with the screen name CocknFire (some gimmicky horseshit meant to 1. describe the ‘stunningly efficient’ Sakerlina offense and 2. work in yet another COCK reference into something relating to that school) with a grain of salt.”
Actually, it’s a reference to my old site, which I started back in 2006. Yes, that was playing off of the title of Spurrier’s offense, which hasn’t played out as we expected, at least until this point.
But if we’re talking about expectations, I expected South Carolina to be about 8-4 or maybe 9-3. They’re 7-5. Pretty close.
You guys expected to be playing in a BCS bowl, and maybe for a national title. How’d that work out for ya?
10nothinggoodhappensafter2am
on Nov 30, 2008 at 2:00 am:
@ Cock n’ Fire
As my Grandfather always says, “if a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass all the time.” Korny has hell? Yes. But right nonetheless.
17=17 points. You are correct sir.
The only problem here are the infinite amount of what if scenarios. What if you had a hall of famer and quarterback guru as your head coach? Then maybe he could coach the up the South Carolina QB’s and wait….
To cover one reasonable what if scenario following your logic: It can easily be argued 7 of South Carolina’s points could be taken away seeing as how your fullback ran out of bounds for a full ten yards before catching a TD pass. I know the call was a force out but that was a fucking ticky tack call. I’ve never in my life seen a player run that far out of bounds for that long. He was running into fucking cheerleaders. If that was truly a force out then every offensive player who has ever stepped out of bounds in the history of modern football as been forced out. But I digress. We also had a dropped TD pass and two missed field goals. New score.
40-7.
Wow. I really like this game. Maybe I can think up more ways by which Clemson could have won by a larger margin.
11Tully
on Nov 30, 2008 at 2:00 am:
Too long, didn’t read. Go away silly Gamecock.
12Andrew The Terrible
on Nov 30, 2008 at 2:00 am:
lengthy retort, cock. I got to “As far as Smelley losing the game:” etc. etc. etc. and that statement could be easily translated as “if Smelley played perfect then we would have won”
newsflash, dumbass: if cullen harper played perfectly in all the games this season, we would be undefuckingfeated and playing in Tampa in a couple of weeks. yea, smelley played terrible, but you can’t use that as your argument because its a moot point. you are carolina, therefore your team is terrible.
too bad you started your lengthy retort with a flawed argument; i might have read further. but, being a clemson fan, I obviously can’t read.
as a carolina fan, you can’t write.
13Willy Mac
on Nov 30, 2008 at 2:13 am:
This guy is a poor writer with an even worse case of Gamecock tunnel vision. Just wait till next year folks… national champs all the way. It’s the same old shit come spring time when they can start talking about baseball, then it’s the same old shit when November rolls around and we’re deep dicking them yet again.
14lola
on Nov 30, 2008 at 5:51 am:
When it comes to football, Sakerlina is Clempson’s little brother…
15Chili
on Nov 30, 2008 at 8:32 am:
@9 Look, my post is to be taken in jest. It’s easy for me to pick apart your analysis being on the winning side of the contest. Also, don’t take the personal shots seriously, it’s all in… well maybe not “good fun,” but fun. But you’re silly wouldas and couldas make you look dumb. C’mon, you’re better than that.
Seriously… IF he hadn’t thrown those picks, Carolina would still have marched it down the field and not gone 3 and out? Clemson wouldn’t have gotten the ball back and Spiller and Davis wouldn’t have punked the Carolina D some more?
Really, is this what you have to do to cope?
16Tom
on Nov 30, 2008 at 8:56 am:
@10, you’re exactly right. What the fuck is the point of an argument like “if Smelly didn’t throw those INT’s” anyway? If Harper knew how to step up in the pocket USCjr wouldn’t have scored at all yesterday.
17Lawtonfunk
on Nov 30, 2008 at 12:11 pm:
@10, if your dad had pulled out a little earlier we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
18Tully
on Nov 30, 2008 at 1:44 pm:
@15 He ISN’T better than that. That’s why Clemson fans and South Carolina fans are not and will never be on the same wavelength.
19wbhump
on Nov 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm:
As I went outside this morning to retreive the State Newspaper, my neighbor was in the rain taking down all of his Shamecock decorations. He looked across the street at me smiled and gave the response we are all used to…. “Wait ’till next year, we’ll stomp your ass!” Silly cock, college football is for men!
20aftiger
on Nov 30, 2008 at 9:04 pm:
@9 The tradition continues–we own you again Cock-Boy! You and your brethren cocks have the shittiest attitudes and are the biggest bunch of pussy-ass whiners in all of college football. You shame our great state with your stuck-up ignorance. Clemson is the pride of the Palmetto state in academics and football and you’re jealous. You think you’re tough because you’re bad enough to call a chicken your mascot and yell “Cock!” in public. Ooooooh, big shit, it ain’t workin’ homo! Get a personality, get an education, get a clue and for God’s sake learn to lose graciously. GO TIGERS!!!
31 – 14 :)
21Willy Mac
on Dec 1, 2008 at 9:21 am:
Can you guys see why we outsourced our “Know Your…” segment this week? I read the first few pages on both blogs and that’s all I needed to see.