mogrits on 
AParker on 
Willy Mac on 
HORSESHIT, COACH BOWDEN.How DARE you reject my chatter to install WILLY KORN as quarterback for life?!? I’m a reactionary alcoholic so ever since I read this garbage I’ve been mainlining the MOST EXTREME LIQUOR DRINK KNOWN TO MAN. Vodka-SURGE martini with a twist of kerosene. EXPLOSIVO. What’s that? You don’t have stockpiles of a soda that went out of production 7 years ago? You dumb asshole. Even Wikipedia knows it’s the MOST EXTREME SOFT DRINK KNOWN TO MAN.
“Surge was widely associated with the extreme sports lifestyle.”
FACE. And we all know Wikipedia is right ALL THE TIME.
ON TO FOOTBALL….. AND BEYOND.
BETTER THAN PERFECT. SUPERFECT. (GET IT? I SQUEEZED TWO WORDS TOGETHER LIKE A VOCABULARICULAR S’MORE. MMM S’MORES)
The Clemson-SC State box score shows that one quarterback (HINT: NOT KORN) threw 2 interceptions, and one quarterback (HINT: KORN) threw AND ran for a touchdown. Let me clear this up for you. WILLY KORN IS NOT EVEN A RUNNINGBACK BUT HE RAN FOR A TOUCHDOWN. The White Woody Dantzler also shows up in the box score as being 7-for-7 in passing for 76 yards. BULLSHIT. I SAW THE GAME AND HE WAS 8-FOR-7. “What?” you say, “how can someone connect on more passes than they throw?” BECAUSE HE THREW A PASS WITH HIS FUCKING MIND.
“ICE-OLATED INCIDENT” (EXTREME PUN)
As this site reported earlier, Cullen Harper has complained that his 10 year old sister heard harassing statements by Clemson fans at the game Saturday. EXCUSE ME. All I said was “Sweety, don’t you wish you were WILLY KORN‘s sister instead of related to this Swan?” Then I took her frozen lemonade and spiked it on some old man’s head in front of her and yelled EXTREME!!!! I apologized as I was escorted out by security. SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE – EKR.
COMPLAINTS, ETC
Somebody JUST commented on year old EKR, OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE AWESOMER THAN THEY APPEAR. Here’s what they had to say:
Author : Harlie/Mrs. Harper (IP: redacted)
E-mail : (redacted)
Comment:
I don’t know who wrote this but it’s total bull shit! I’m a really big Clemson fan and all, and I love Willy Korn. But this is kinda stupid! I mean really who sits around and comes up with shit like this??? I don’t see YOU out there trin to do nothin dumb ass!
FIRST OFF, I wrote this. EKR. Me. I sit around and come up with shit like this. Me. You should see the shit I come up with that I’m not legally allowed to post on this internet. I can’t even post it on 4chan. “I don’t see YOU out there trin to do nothin” – well, Mrs. Harper IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME AND NOT AN A.K.A., I WAS on the field “trin” to do somethin. After the NC State game. Up in a certain coach’s FACE. “OBRIEN YOU BETTER BE GLAD KORN DIDN’T START OR YOUR LILLY WHITE SKIN WOULD BE BURNED RED BY HIS AWESOMENESS WHERE IT WOULD THEN MATCH THE COLOR SCHEME OF YOUR NEW SCHOOL” and then I spit Corn Nuts on him and slapped the nearest child in the face. I was instantly sprayed with mace, but I’ve developed EXTREME IMMUNITY just like that dude in UNDER SEIGE 2. Which reminds me, why aren’t there more train based thrillers in our American action movies? WHY, HOLLYWOOD, WHY!? Also, EXTREME IMMUNITY would be the perfect name for the next Steven Segal movie. BALLS.
RANDOM EXTREME THOUGHTS
IF I were a billionaire I would fund Clemson athletics, become the Pickens T. Boone Pickens and just run shit. Don’t wanna start KORN? You’re fired. But, I’m not a billionaire. I’m not a millionaire either. Hell, I’m not even a DOLLAR MENUNAIRE. Times are tough, hombres, and cheeseburgers is expensive.
Touchdown Jesus is missing from the Notre Dame campus. He’s posted up outside the Hill to watch WILLY KORN play on Saturday.
Is there anyone looking forward to Beverly Hills Chihuahuas more than me? NO. No there is not. Not even the producers. I’ve written literally TWO VOLUMES of BHC fan fiction.
WILLY KORN‘s touchdowns count for 12 points. His 2-point conversions count as 1ups.
EXTREME SNACK FOOD IDEA: Pringles made of beef jerky. Call em Jingles, or Shingles or some shit. EXTREME MEAT TUBE.
The LARGE HADRON KORNLIDER broke down this week. Nobody knows why the 10 foot wide, 17 mile long science tube was broken, but I think WILLY KORN tried to have sex with it, and stretched the fucker out. EXTREME MEAT TUBE. INAPPROPRIATE – EKR
EKR – OUT LIKE A BONER IN SWEATPANTS
1Sambone
on Sep 24, 2008 at 3:49 pm:
Two Words – Holy Fuck! That was better than sex…..well, at least a handjob.
2Chili
on Sep 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm:
John Klasing demands more train based thrillers.
3Sambone
on Sep 24, 2008 at 4:47 pm:
John Klasing demands more train-based anything.
4Terry Pinn
on Sep 24, 2008 at 5:54 pm:
Dear Clemson fans,
I am looking forward to the Clemson game this year but I do not want any problems. Whenever I go to an away game or a visiting team comes into Maryland to play the Terps I make it a point to get a few things cleared up before the game starts. First off, you guys are playing The University of Maryland. As you know, we are not some 2nd rate team from some backwards conference like SC State. Maryland is among the elite. The best. A tradition that goes back a long way. Many ACC titles, etc. The list goes on.
With that resume comes respect. The kind of respect that can only be earned. The Maryland fans carry that respect whether we are at home or on the road and a few things need to be understood. When Maryland comes to town, you are seeing one of the movers and shakers in all of college football and the fans are no exception.
First, there will NOT be any yelling in my ear during the game. I damn well don’t plan on driving all the way to Clemson to have some guy yell in my ear. If it happens, I will ask you one time to stop and no more. I don’t mind clapping but this incessant yelling is out. If you continue, then I will take a physical solution that you will not like. I will NEVER provoke, but if you guys think that yelling in my ear is gonna be tolerated you are in for a big surprise.
Same thing for the kids. Sure, they can be there but keep them out of my area and keep them quiet. If you cannot control the kids then you will be held responsible and I will take matters into my own hand. We don’t put up with that crap at Maryland.
If I have to go to the restroom I don’t wait in line, I go to the front. This is an area where I have encountered some problems before so I am just making it clear now. A Maryland Terrapins fan has earned the right to not wait in some bathroom line and we choose to not do it. If you have a problem with this you had better go to a “home” restroom or to one where the Maryland fans are not in. If you do decide to make an issue out of it then be prepared to face a physical solution.
Ditto for concessions. We go to the front of the line. Not out of spite or to try to show you up. It is all about showing respect, folks. Again, if you have a problem with this, I advise you to keep away from me or the Maryland contingent. I am very up front and honest when I tell you that it ain’t nothing for me to up and kick a man’s ass. Done it several times and I’ll do it again if pushed. NEVER will I provoke, though. It is YOU that determines my actions.
If you understand where I and the Maryland folks are coming from and what is expected, then we will have a great time and no problems will ever arise. Please understand that I am NOT trying to cause problems, as that is the last thing on my agenda. It is a tradition and respect that Maryland and it fans have earned and you need to realize this. We can laugh and have a good time but I just wanted to get a few things understood beforehand. I hope all goes well and there are no problems.
Thanks,
Terry Pinn
5Tom
on Sep 24, 2008 at 6:17 pm:
LMAO, that EKR was great
6JasonL
on Sep 24, 2008 at 6:55 pm:
Totally awesome-tastic. I’m trying to cover my pants to hid the jizz/piss stains. Damn, boyeeee!
“Also, EXTREME IMMUNITY would be the perfect name for the next Steven Segal movie. BALLS.”
If you can find it, look for the movie by The Onion. It has a great promo for the next Segal movie: “Cock Puncher”
7Chili
on Sep 24, 2008 at 7:16 pm:
Well done, Capt. Terry.
8Kyle
on Sep 24, 2008 at 7:54 pm:
Link to BHC fan fic, plz.
9APB
on Sep 24, 2008 at 7:57 pm:
Outstanding EKR! You’re a genius and we should all sacrifice a turtle in your honor.
GO TIGERS!!!!!
10cuin1993
on Sep 24, 2008 at 8:17 pm:
SUMBITCH!
11Sharp
on Sep 24, 2008 at 8:38 pm:
So why is Korn not on the goal line stance, punt block formation, kick off formation, and every other EXTREME formation???
12DwightClark87
on Sep 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm:
Pffft. Please, EKR. Surge has nothing on JOSTA , a now extinct carbonated (and damn good) beverage which had EXTREME banned herbs in it. At least that’s what I tell people. Plus, it had a cool panther/ jaguar thing on the can, which is pretty damn extreme AND what other drink can you think of that sounds like the name of a Brazilian pornstar?
BTW, my Loverboy cover-band is now no longer named “Working for the Weekend.” As of this moment we are now called “Extreme Immunity.” That’s right, I’m stealing the name!
13Extreme Garcia Report
on Sep 24, 2008 at 10:31 pm:
Surge and Josta are what well-known homosexuals drink. Give me a Jolt…and I mean a circa ’85 Jolt, not the queer-ass 21st century version.
14Chili
on Sep 24, 2008 at 10:45 pm:
@13
Swing and a miss
15Sambone
on Sep 25, 2008 at 10:14 am:
Extreme and Garcia……..oxymoron. Limp dick and Garcia sounds more like it.
16Clem
on Sep 25, 2008 at 11:17 am:
That was freakin AWESOME (press ignitor switch and blow up the internet). Don’t ever take the meds EKR, we need you bouncin off the walls like this at all times. Shingles….ROFL
17TigerSACK
on Sep 25, 2008 at 11:18 am:
HARLIE enjoys Harry Potter and Final Fantasy Video Game Porn!
About making a point when you play @ Maryland. The difference in Maryland Fans and Georgia Fans is Georgia has been good at football. Maryland HA joke. I usually look for the smallest guy after the game and hit him for good measure.
“Friedgen” must protect his house… Waffle House
18www.TomahawkNation.com
on Sep 25, 2008 at 3:07 pm:
Rack ‘em!! Ding Dig Ding!
19Penthouse Tiger
on Sep 26, 2008 at 3:46 pm:
Best…EKR…EVER