Posted by Chili

I’ve seen an interesting question posed today after the great failure of 8-30-08, as it shall forever be known (just kidding, our failure encompasses far greater an era than a mere 24 hours), that question being, “Should the 2008 Tigers rub Howard’s Rock next week?”

Interesting.

Frank Howard told his teams not to touch his damned rock unless they were going to give 110%.  Is there any doubt the 2008 Tigers team seems to lack effort? Is rubbing the rock a given? At some point must it be earned by a team? If the past several years’ Clemson teams who shat the bed on numerous occasions touched the rock, shouldn’t the 08 disappointments? Is all this too much drama for a team that did exactly what they’ve always done under Coach Bowden? Who knows. Let us read your take in the comments section.

Posted by Chili

I’m glad we scheduled Alabama first instead of a cupcake. We got to find out right off the bat that this team is the same team we’ve had under Coach Bowden and staff, the same sort of finesse team that can get broken and rolled up and shut down by highly physical opponents. No need to get our hopes up only to get them dashed later in the season.

The downside of that is that pretty much the whole nation saw Clemson get the old Last Tango in Paris treatment from Alabama, sans the butter.

Our stacked skill positions mean nothing when our lines get blasted in the trenches.

I don’t know what makes our team so easily injured, but that shit’s got to stop.

Our defense should try the whole “wrapping up” thing when they make contact. Supposedly works wonders.

I got sick of the announcers bringing up SEC vs ACC every five minutes. I could’ve sworn the teams on the field were wearing the uniforms of their respective schools, not of their conferences. Commissioner John Swofford wasn’t on the damned sidelines coaching. Although maybe that would’ve been an improvement. For the record, if you’re obsessed with the whole conference thing, ACC teams lost spectacularly yesterday to out of conference opponents.

I’m feeling disgusted at Clemson. I really let myself believe they were going to break the trend this season. That’s my fault. I knew we’d lose games, and I definitely thought we could lose to Bama, but I had no idea we’d have the kind of 2006, 2007 Virginia Tech game utter collapse. The sort of slamming-on-the-breaks destruction that makes you realize that something about Clemson hasn’t changed a bit in the past few years.

James Davis is now 0-4 in games played in his hometown.

Posted by Chili

We continue to be a tremendous joke when it matters. I’m a bit too enraged to properly comment, so that’s all I’ll say for now. Hat’s off to Alabama. Wonder what it must be like to be proud of your coaching staff?

Posted by Willy Mac

Dear Willy Mac,

I don’t feel like me anymore.  I took last year off and tried to be a little laid back.  Honestly, I’ve grown tired of harassing and hurting people.  I would sometimes get bruises because I would run into people so hard.  I guess I stopped trying to be me and started to change the way I think when I knocked out Tashard Choice via Jamal Fudge.  I guess at last year’s Virginia Tech game is when people started hating me for not hanging out anymore. I just want to find peace and zen in my life.  Any suggestions?

Regards,

Clemson football’s tenacity and meanness

Well, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost yourself.  Perhaps I can help you turn things around and maybe, just maybe, I can coax you into coming back around.  Let’s take it to the film room, shall we?

Here we see former Michigan State punter Craig Jarrett fall victim to a roughing the kicker no-call.  So, what does he do?  He doesn’t sit there and make funny, gaping mouthed faces at the referee.  Instead, he goes on a cut back block rampage.  He’s pushed to the EDGE with RAGE and he’s not going to let some asshole in another colored shirt ruin his happy fun time.  GET SOME.

This could technically be called a cheap shot, but I’d like to refer to it as a well timed hit.  You should refer to it as that as well.  You should also probably put this into practice.  Hell, people already hate us because our contrasting colored uniforms hurt their eyes, why not give them another reason to dislike us?

I didn’t see NOTHIN’.  And if something did happen, # 72 probably had it coming anyways.  Collateral damage, in my opinion.  Playing till the whistle.

Rude, but I bet #3 was a little more afraid of contact or running out of bounds from that point on because he was likely to be hit by anyone.  Hell, I bet you #3 looked over his shoulder for a week before he went to take a piss.

Just don’t get too out of hand.  A .40 on a football is a little much though, just keep that in mind.  Maybe if it were a knife it’d be ok.  Chili told me about a guy he played football with back in high school. Dude had hidden a shiv in his thighpad when they played the crosstown rival. “Just in case shit pops off.” pop

All in all, I think when Duane Coleman left, you stopped caring.  You figured the rest of the team would step up and you wouldn’t have to do anything.  That’s just not going to cut it anymore.  Watching the Clemson defense/special teams coverage is akin to sitting through an entire season viewing of The Hills: Simply unbearable and completely fake. I need you to get your head back into this.  Get your shit together. You can do it pal.  Oh, and get Tiger Balm… it’ll help with the soreness and bruising.

eBay question

The following is an actual exchange between myself and a Gamecock fan that had a few questions about that coozie that I was selling.

eBay member syclone6969:

“Are you saying the koozie is ‘rare’ because we’re rarely ‘bowl bound’ or because there were only a few made? And – which bowl were we bound for when this was made?”

It’s a double entendre. Also, it was made last year, after you guys went from #6 to 6-6. *Drops nuts on syclone’s forehead*

Follow up from eBay member syclone6969:

“Yeah – I remember – There’s never going to be much of a market for “Being A Gamecock Fan Is Easy” Koozies, that’s for sure!! We’re looking to redeem ourselves this Thursday on ESPN 8:00 Eastern Time though! I think this year might be THE year!!”

THE YEAR?  THHHEEE YEAR?  I’M SO ASTONISHED I COULD SHIT A BADGER.  LITERALLY. A WHOLE, LIVE, VICIOUS, ARMED TO THE TEETH BADGER.

Ok. Ok. I didn’t say any of the outrageous stuff, but it was exactly what I was thinking.  There haven’t been any bids, but there is a watcher on the auction now… so, I’ll keep you guys updated.

syclone6969 when he’s not cruising the information super highway.

Posted by Chili

People have been coming up to me all summer and saying things like “Hey EKR, are you still going to pull for WILLY KORN now that he’s locked in as a backup?” and “EKR, better start an extreme Cullen Harper Report.” and “EKR, you told me that was just a cold sore.” Same old complaints over and over. Well, let me tell ya one thing, AUTOBOTS, I’m not stopping the EXTREME KORN REPORT because WILLY KORN will start this year. He’ll outshine the heralded SWAN Cullen Harper. How do I know this? Because I know WILLY KORN is studying CULLEN night and day. Waiting. SCHEMING. EXTREMING. He knows that Cullen loves corn on the cob, doodling in 5-Star College Ruled Notebooks, and the thought of starting in front of him FOR LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE GAME THIS YEAR. How does he know this? Because WILLY KORN picks through Cullen’s shit, goes through Cullen’s trash, and IS INSIDE CULLEN’S FUCKING HEAD. Not literally. Not like some Fantastic Voyage shit. But he will LEARN and get BETTER like some awesome 80s MONTAGE. AND START. HE’S GONNA START DAMMIT. EGGGGGSSTTREEEAAAAM.

How do I know this? Let’s just say I’m a fan. I pick through his — uh — garbage. Yes. Garbage. And things.

EEEE

KAY

ARR

OUTTTTTTT.