Grrr! We’re tough by proxy!

A reader pointed out to us that Roy Philpott at the great CUTigers.com has taken on Spurrier’s spouting off about schedules in his recent article titled “Fun with Schedules.” By Philpott’s estimation, SC would go 6-4-1 against Clemson’s schedule (the tie being a theoretical dead heat with Virginia) and the Tigers would finish 8-3 against the Gamecock’s foes. The Tigers, as they tend to do, take the season finale versus Sakerlina. Philpott is correct in saying that it all boils down to talent. The Gamecocks have a stout defense this year with some players any team would be glad to have. Clemson, on the other hand, has one of the most explosive offensive talent pools in the nation, the OL of course being the question mark. Spurrier can try and spin this thing however he likes, but the Tigers are better regardless of the competition.

Yes, I’m aware that’s not the proper Clemson paw in the background. Blame the LSU Photoshopper, not me.

We try not to dwell on Sakerlina too much outside of the occasional police report or during the week of the game. I’ve seen a couple of the SC blogs out there and it seems every 2nd or 3rd post is taking swipes at the Tigers. Seeing as we don’t harbor a staggering inferiority complex like the chickens, we like to think we’re above that. Of course we’re not above highlighting some of the delightful quips spewed from the mouth of Steve Spurrier in a recent news article.

Spurrier has said in the past that “We will never lose to Clemson again.” So much for that, unless you count moral victories, which most Sakerlina fans do.

He’s also stated “I don’t talk about Clemson.” Right, right….

In a recent peice in the Raleigh News & Observer, Spurrier is quoted as saying “I wish one of the sports writers, when they start picking everybody’s record this year, would write how they’d do if Clemson played South Carolina’s schedule and South Carolina played Clemson’s schedule.” Perhaps, Steve, the reason they don’t do this is because such retarded speculation is the realm of messageboard dwelling mouthbreathers. Clemson doesn’t play SC’s schedule, nor does SC play Clemson’s. The media, albeit less frequently these days, tends to deal in realities, not the sort of whining speculation a revered coach reverts to when he can’t succeed in-state. I’ll absolutely agree that SC has a more difficult schedule than does Clemson. Them’s the breaks, as they say. Tough shit. Having a tougher schedule does not make your team better. The results of Clemson-SC games during the brief time SC has been clinging to the leg of the big bad SEC should prove that.

As someone pointed out, this is further evidence that Spurrier is just becoming one of them. He once spoke of championships and bringing glory to SC and now he just complains about Clemson and the tough SEC schedule. Steve Spurrier… more like Steve Worrier amirite!?!?!? LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!!!!1!

Spurrier followed up his quote with “But anyway, that’s the way it is. There’s no big deal about it.” This is interesting to me because it fits a pattern in his shit talking. See, men talk and don’t back down. Women and guys who wear visors outside of their acceptable areas (tennis courts, golf courses, old timey poker tables) deal in the passive-aggressive. Say something brash, then temper it with a half-retraction and dismiss it as inconsequential. Look at some of his more bitchy quotes over time and you’ll usually see a half-assed retraction after the fact.

It appears that, though only 2-1 against Spurrier, with Clemson seeming to gain some momentum in recruiting and in the polls, Tommy Bowden and the Tigers are getting under Steve’s skin. This should be fun to watch as it plays out.

Just a quick note to let you know that Clemson Baseball Coach Jack Leggett lost his house in a fire yesterday. Check out the news blotter from WYFF here. We’ll keep you updated on the situation. Condolences to the Leggett’s and thankfully nobody was hurt.

Peter Lalich is a man among men. A mountain bear of a man with a football as a chew toy and a neolithic stone arm from outer space. But no, Lalich wasn’t just born into greatness. He had to hit the baptismal fire of life head on in a crazy windmill fashion that only he could pull off with awkward smoothness. Perhaps you have already seen his AMAZING WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. If you haven’t seen it, this is unacceptable. Fortunately, I’m here to not only provide you with a link to the article but to also to fill in the gaps that were left out. This is the amazing (semi) true story of one Master Peter Lalich navigated by yours truly with the assistance of a few facebook pictures (thank you public domain laws!)…

Peter Lalich: Harder than galvanized steel… forged in Springfield, Virginia

Young Peter was born on May 18th, 1988 to… uh… Peter Lalich who then subsequently… uh, named his son… Peter… after “Pistol” Pete Maravich. Ipso facto, Peter Lalich is a reincarnation of Pete Maravich but with a penchant for football, not basketball. He then grew up and did some rather insignificant stuff until the day he picked up his first football and threw it into the next neighborhood. Unfortunately for Peter, athleticism can’t buy you friends at such an early age and he remained in a secluded sect of youngsters that is usually dominated by tall, goofy kids that nervously interact as little as possible with peers. Life was hard for Peter in Pop Warner, little did he know that life was only about the get much harder.

Lalich, like his hero Jack Lambert, was accustomed to losing teeth in his early football years due to his vicious and often raucous style of play.

The mental toughness that would later show in his UVA years was constructed in searing heat as well as hurricane type storms under thundering skies while practicing and learning from Coach van Gouda at Springfield Middle School. Most of his toughness, as one might assume occurred on the field, actually came from what happened between bells during school. Teenage years can be harsh on a youth, but due to Peter being the “tall, ugly, goofy kid,” puberty took it’s toll twice as hard on him. At lunch he was relegated to sitting by himself or sitting with the kids that were a hodgepodgery of cracking voices, pimples, and dorkishness. Lalich decided to walk the lonely road… furthering his journey down a war beaten path.

Next came high school. Still no friends. Still no girls. Still a big ug. Peter experimented with Puka shell necklaces, neon green hat/pink shirt combos, feuax burberry sweaters pulled low, and taking pictures with his arms crossed and his greasy bangs pulled into his face. It can’t really be explained in mere words. Thus, the photo journal:

It kinda makes me miss high school myself. Things changed however. Peter got a letter telling him he’s got a full ride to UVA. Given natural high school social dictation, within minutes he’s got everything he could ever want. Parties, chicks, etc. It doesn’t matter that he’s one ugly mother now. All of that goes away when ya sign with the Wahoos. Especially when you’re buried on the depth chart. That’s where the real action is. Simply put, Peter Lalich is the fucking man. He’s the Bomb.com. Seriously.

In fact, you should friend him on facebook, immediately. The reasoning behind this is the fact that he gives almost daily inspiration in his status updates ranging from statements like “Peter… snow so white, only thing missin is 7 dwarfs” and “Peter… str8 like arm hair.” I teared up when I read ” Peter… I just do my pete and everytime i speak my sentences are complete LOLOLOLOL.”

More so, Peter Lalich knows people. Want tickets to that Skid Row concert minutes before the show? No worries, Peter already has someone stuffing your tickets AND backstage passes in Will Call as we speak. He’s got you front and back. You wanna roll with Peter to lunch? Sure thing. He’ll just pick up his Kia Sorrento that the dealership lends him and be on his way over. Onward to lunch as you’re further impressed that EVERYONE KNOWS PETER. Even the people at Moe’s shout to him as he enters! Peter Lalich is a Campus Legend. In fact, he coined the phrase and sent it along to the NCAA football game developers, via e-mail… on his Blackberry. Stunningly, he’s so amazing that he even lists Rivals.com as his personal website on facebook!

MONEY MONEY MONEY DRANKIN DRANKIN DRANKIN

SI reports that Clemson and Alabama will receive nearly $2 million each for the season opener in the Georgia Dome. More importantly, beer will be sold until halftime. BEER WILL BE SOLD AT A CLEMSON GAME. EGADS.

So what will happen when the unsuspecting fan discovers he can instantly kick the action up a notch at the Dome? I like to think it’ll go a little something (pause) like this:

[scene: concession stand, Georgia Dome, Aug 30, 2008]

Alabama fan: “Good sir, let me get 8 Chick-fil-A sammiches, a trash bag full of waffle fries doused in polynesian sauce, uh, and a bushel of nuggets. And take my fanny pack and fill it with honey-mustard. I also require a tankard of your finest lemonade.”

Concession boy: “Ah, yes, the medium sized Friedgen Meal. Sir, we also are selling beer until halftime today.”

Bamafan: (incredulous) “Wait, what the fuck did you just say to me?”

Concession boy: (takes a step back) “Uh… I said we also have beer.”

Bamfan: (squinting) “Toying with my alcoholism is like toying with my emotions, Poppa Smurf. This is a college football game, we do our binge drinking before, not during.“

Concession boy: “But sir, it’s only 8 dollars per 16 oz cup.”

Bmfin: (salivating) “Are the cups…. *gulp* are the cups flimsy?”

Concession boy: “So flimsy you can barely hold onto them.”

Brmfrrn: (lip trembles) “Please tell me the beer is.. oh God.. lukewarm and watered down.”

Concessions: “Indeed. Sir it’s really only beer in name alone.”

Brmfnnnn: SMASH GRAB DRINK PUNCH VOMIT PUNCH DRINK DRINK YELL DRINK GROPE DRINK *ding* Halftime *ding* APOLOGIZE

Much like SNL writers I don’t know how to end a bit. END.

Just pour the beer into this carrying bag on a pole. No, it’s not an IV drip. Do IV poles come painted crimson? Didn’t think so, bub.

ACC SPORTSWRITERS HEART CLEMSON

Clemson was picked by 51 of 65 ACC media types to win the ACC Championship. 59 out of 65 picked the Tigers to win their division. 5 media members tabbed Wake to win the division. This was the first time since 1991 that the Tigers were chosen to win the league. Clemson, of course, clenched their last league crown in 1991. SPOOOOKY. The State talks about it here.

Pasty manchild and Varsity hot-dog distributor Stewart Mandel is one of the writers who picked Clemson, albiet with some strong reservations.

STACKED OFFENSE

Cullen Harper, James Davis, and CJ Spiller led preseason player of the year voting and join Aaron Kelly and Michael Hamlin on the preseason all-ACC team. The article in The State goes on to note that Coach Bowden may be prepared to move man-beast Rendrick Taylor back to WR after getting some work in the backfield.

INJURY REPORTS

The ACC will become the first CFB conference to release regular injury reports. Twice weekly, baby.